All Things Bloom

"Some things aren't ready to stand exposed

and naked in the light.

Some cannot bear the violence of knowing,

the insistence of change."

"the violence of knowing"...Wow to that bit of wisdom.

Until recently, I was not acquainted with this violence.

I am now.  I guess that's what some would call a privileged life.

Being this stage of golden and just discovering this.

I am familiar with the "insistence of change",

as I know you are...intimately familiar.

It's why we cherish the continuity of nature...

the sun and moon and galaxies...

the seasons that we can rely on.

"All you can do is shine on with indiscriminate hope

in trust that all things bloom,

with determined patience that they will."

May we discover two things:  indiscriminate hope and

determined patience.  My hope is that they lay

dormant inside me, ready to awaken and bloom.

Namaste'

PS:  Moudi is a new poet to me.  I'm grateful to cross his path.

When a poem reduces me to deep sobs, I pay attention.  

I'm including his response when I subscribed to his Substack

to demonstrate what draws me to his work.

A deep bow of gratitude from my heart to yours for subscribing to Habibi Means Beloved, a poetry publication exploring themes of belonging and liberation through a contemplative framework of compassion, forgiveness, and awe. My hope is that this work stands as an invitation to remember your unquestionable belonging, that you feel touched in that place in you that resides in wonder, and to then look at all of life through this lens of gratitude and tenderness. Perhaps our hearts may awaken against the backdrop of industrialization, profit, and war, which desecrate the dignity of each other, the land, and all beings. ​​We have been gifted a brief and mysterious life in the wide unknowable universe. So why not honor our place in it, and begin already with the business of grief alongside its joy, seeing each other as the miracles we already are. You can read more about me here, and about my forthcoming books here. With Love, Moudi

 

You Keep Waiting

"The world doesn't need your perfection.

It needs your truth."

These words strike me like lightening,

shaking me up in ways I do not relish.

I start to feel like I'm standing in the courtroom

accused of wrong doing in the matters that matter most to me

and the question repeats:  What is your truth?

So much of what I do these days is about trusting.

And, I confess, that trust is being SEVERELY tested.

That is until I take myself out of feelings of failure, 

fearful imaginings, and terrified expectations into the woods

where the trees stand solid and undisturbed...

(for the time being at least.)

The giant rocks rest steady and strong, for now.  

None of them perturbed

by future or past happenings.

Its all temporary and I'm doing my best.

I remind the accusing voices inside

their job is done...the verdict rendered...

innocent. 

 Handcuffs removed, suspect is free to go. 

The truth as I see it is, I'm here.

For some reason I can't always fathom with clarity;

 I trust that however I find myself operating

matters, even when I can't explain myself properly.

"Making art in the middle of the mess."

Namaste'

 

The Hardest Part

Every line of this tugs hard at my heart.

I could repeat every one and add my commentary

but why do that when its already being said so well?

"A pain that aches so much that you're

not sure you'll ever heal it."

May each one of us continue 

"to breathe and take the steps ...

to face the hardest parts."

May we be mighty in our softness.

May we metabolize our rage into 

constructive corridors of resistance and rebellion.

Our softness is fierce and relentless

with insistance on truth, equality and decency.

We carry on together, step by determined step.

Namaste'

 

If You Are Overwhelmed

"Make the picture you are looking at smaller."

This is decent advice on many levels.

"Bringing it back to the scale

of your own life is the medicine for recovering . . .

Generally speaking, our own life is complicated enough,

yet, while I think this makes good sense,

I have to ask myself if NOT paying attention 

to the big picture has gotten us where we are today?

"Coming back to the scale of being human in community."

It is about humanity and community and might I add nature.

We're all living here together, doing the best we can

to survive, thrive and be decent human beings.

(Most of us are.)

If everyone could recognize and respect

each other as equals,

regardless of the scale, 

we might be able to heal ourselves,

and each other and this world.

We could bring this world into healthy balance.

I believe we're in the process of doing that.

There's still  a long way to go.

We can do this....together.

We ARE doing this...together.

Carry on, I say, and thank you for all you are,

and all you are becoming...for all WE are becoming.

Namaste'

 

What The Mirror Said

"Trust yourself. 

Trust no mirror could ever know the truth of you."

We are not trained to do this, are we?

We are trained to rely on others from the start.

On entities outside of us to provide our reality and sadly,

our definition of ourselves.

There is no way to avoid it given our vulnerability at birth.

You are fortunate indeed when those who

know how to nurture your magnificence cross your path.

They help us to grow and mature and 

discover ourselves for ourselves and then let 

the still voice inside be our guide.

That's my perspective.  

It takes a measure of time to grow a person.

"There are whole mountain ranges of wonder inside,

no mirror could ever show. Go wander and swim

in your own wilderness until you don't need

[this mirror] anymore."

Namaste'

 

Believe

"It remains only for you to recognize and acknowledge who you are, 

what you know and the powerful presence that is awake within you."

This is the fierce truth of this moment.  

We all know who we are and how we want this world to be.

We know it in our bones and it is not what is happening

in the world around us.

We are who is needed 

to correct the course.

Each of us in our own way....

together.

"Believe in yourself.  

That is all you need to do.”

Yes, believe in yourself, however,

All is NOT well.  

But it is on its way to being so.

because of us.

Namaste'

 

May All That Has Been

Isn't there so much noise in today's world?

It requires enormous concentration to 

stay aware, 

be informed, 

and pay attention 

against the constant deluge 

of cleverly constructed ways to shift your focus

to something someone else wants you to see, feel and think,

and most typically, to pay them for.

Did you know Nikwasi means the place of stars?

I did not.  Allow me to share this excerpt:

"the geographical locations of the Middle Towns—including the villages of Watauga, Cowee, and Nikwasi—along the Little Tennessee Watershed. The geographical pattern of the villages is astronomically organized, a kind of star map. If you had been a Cherokee in the village of Watauga, gazing up into the sky in the season of the Snow Moon, or what Europeans call December, you would have beheld with crystal clarity the seasonal unveiling of our galaxy, the Milky Way, painted across the sky just above where you knew Nikwasi, the star town, would be.

Taylor, Stuart. Retracing the Keowee Trail: A Deep Map of the Cherokee Path in the History of the Carolinas (pp. 164-165).

I've lived here over a quarter of a century and did not know this.

This is the music I relish and revere deep in my bones.

Do I gaze out at the night sky and witness the majesty

of the universe? I can count on one hand how often.

Due to my DNA, I'm completely spent by sunset 

and fast asleep by nightfall.

However, I'm just now realizing that since my body clock

gets me up in the predawn hours I could take myself outside

and witness the glory then.

I can hear the music warming up as I write.

Plus, I've heard the owls sing at that time in the morning

so the music is layered, intricate and astonishing...

All I need to do is look up and listen.

"May all that has been reduced to noise in you become music again."

And may you find yourself singing your heart out.

Namaste'

 

So Much of What Keeps Me Grounded

"it was shown to me by the earth herself."

How many times have you found yourself 

brought to awareness by Earth, herself?

I am finding it everytime I pass through my 

mini meadow, messy and chaotic

with flowers and bees, butterflies, moths,

insects of many colors and sizes.

As much as I'd enjoy picking a bouquet 

to bring inside, or tidying up the spent flowers,

the creatures are feasting

and I cannot disturb them.

"nature didn't ask me to toughen up.

she taught me that softness is strength."

This is not an easy lesson to learn,

The push for "tough" is always at the ready...

the desire to INSIST, to DEMAND,

to STOP THIS MADNESS...

May the soft rebellion of 7 million

triple and quadruple...a quiet revolution.

A returning to nature.

Namaste'

 

Your Perfect

"Don't aim to come out of this life preserved and perfect,

you're supposed to crumble and rebuild a million times over

until your soul is satisfied you have given your all."

And you get to choose when your "all" has been given.

Ignore edicts from outside casting judgements.

No one but you knows what wrestling matches are going on inside.

"Your perfect is not needed but your broken is very important,

very important indeed."

Yes, and Yes and Yes to this.

Namaste'

 

And When You Miss Me Most

This is reminiscent of 

Love Letter From The Afterlife by Andrea Gibson.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmZHLvq-gDg

Both of them level me with joy and sadness in equal, overwhelming measure.

It is one of the most heartfelt feelings there is, I think.

Namaste'

PS:  Love Letter from the Afterlife, Andrea Gibson

My love, I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close you look past me when wondering where I am. It’s Ok. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, “How tall are you?” In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you’d said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories. Yes, I know every secret you thought too dark to tell me, and love you more for everything you feared might make me love you less. When you cry I guide your tears toward the garden of kisses I once planted on your cheek, so you know they are all perennials. Forgive me, for not being able to weep with you. One day you will understand. One day you will know why I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born, and they are all the more excited. There is nothing I want for now that we are so close I open the curtain of your eyelids with my own smile every morning. I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain, your deep seated fears playing musical chairs, laughing about how real they are not.

 

In The Middle

"a life as complicated as everyone else's, 

struggling for balance,  juggling time."

Sounds oh so familiar, doesn't it?

Keeping a slower pace requires effort.

Why is that?  Shouldn't it make life easier?

In my experience, it does not.

"Each day we must learn again how to love

between morning's quick coffee and

evening's slow return."

I love this line and the truth it conveys.

Love can fall off the rails so quickly,

thank goodness it as often bounces right back.

"We'll never get there, time is always ahead of us,

running down the beach, urging us on faster,  faster.

Such a relentless master, merciless and unyielding.

Yet

"sometimes we take off our watches, lie in the hammock

caught between the mesh of rope, and the net of stars,

suspended, tangled up in love, running out of time."

It's possible to ignore time, for a time...

to counter its constant pull

with soft, firm resistance and stay still.

To acknowledge reality;

yet maintain your own rhythm.

Isn't it possible to collaborate with time 

and not be constantly driven by it?

Namaste'

 

The Thing About the Chrysalis

". . .nothing can be forced. this phase is for rooting,

for grounding, for slow walks and conversations with trees,

for listening within when our eyes are unable to see a way through."

This speaks well for soft rebellion.  

For staying centered and sane amidst horror and mayhem.

To look for and focus on the goodness wherever we find it.

". . .a painter paints, a writer writes, a singer sings, 

knowing beauty is the anchor of the soul."

I would add that a gardener gardens, a mother mothers,

a chef cooks, a builder builds, a teacher teaches,

and on and on and on.  Decent people

living their lives the best they can,

growing from caterpillar to butterfly,

transforming their worlds with their goodness...

Namaste'

 

like to pretend

This list may not exactly match what I would want to come back for,

but its mighty close. 

 (I'm not a fan of swimming in lakes, however, 

I do like kayaking on them and I love, love, love looking out at them.) 

I'm also not crazy about having my heart broken, but I'll take it in

exchange for the love that led to its breaking.

So many things would go on my list, it's impossible

to list them adequately which underscores the point of the poem.

We're "on earth so briefly gorgeous".*

Namaste'

* Ocean V.

 

Where Did The Middle Go?

"I'm here only for a moment."

The more golden I get, the more poignant this thought becomes.

Just yesterday, I was nearing the end of my walk

and realized I had not been "there",

witnessing the subtlety of the forest around me.

When I asked myself where I'd been,

I realized I'd been concentrating on moving my body

so my spine was aligned and my hips were moving

in hopes it would help the stiffness in my muscles.

So I was there...but not all there if that makes any sense.

It's impossible to witness all of it...there's no way

one human can take in all the majesty.

We do the best we can and that is enough.

Namaste'

 

If We're Going To Be Honest

,

"If we're going to be honest it's hard to see a pathway out of this. 

Empathy might not be dead, but discord and division have

so overgrown the field, it's hard to imagine a harvest of peace."

I respectfully disagree, although I definitely hear what

she's saying.  It pushes in with force unbidden and unwanted.

I think its vital to imagine a harvest of peace.  

To put our attention and intention toward that very thing.

And to keep imagining it until its real. 

Think of the caterpillar becoming the butterfly,

the dragonflies evolving from giant griffin flies,

the star parts each of us carries in our body,

all the magnificent and seemingly miraculous 

things happening in our natural world every single second,

against incredible odds.

"I'm not saying it's all going to be joy and delight.

I'm saying that life is long and complicated and 

we belong to a family that has found 

a million ways to thrive."

Our ancestors endured and overcame horrific circumstances.

We are in the midst of this right now.

We can and we will 

create a way through this...

together.  

Namaste'

 

When The World Is On Fire

This is exquisitely challenging encourgement for this time.

"Douse every angry conversation with unexpected kindness."

I hope with every fiber of my being I can find 

what it requires to do this.  

Anger is hard for me to respond to because

it jangles all the alarm bells within me and 

ignites a blast of defensiveness rather than kindness. 

"Flow gently through the streets where people

have grown hard because they are sad and 

sad because they are tired and tired because

they are breaking."

This is soft rebellion. 

Hope is what softens us and

 softens those around us.

"Flood the earth with goodness.

Without asking who deserves it."

This is a extremely difficult in light

of cruel and vindictive behavior.

It requires vast amounts of 

almost hopeless mercy 

and mutual respect 

the size of the universe.

(Emphasis on mutual.)

"When the world is on fire, be water."

Be the river...

Namaste'

 

Fly Away

I suspect we've all felt the desire to fly away.

There are any number of reasons one might want to.

"You are here because your life is still so full

of gold and grace and holding on."  

We thrive on the gold and the grace when 

things are so hard all we want is to escape.

I swear, if I had any say in it, life would

not be so hard.  It seems to me a truly benevolent

creator would give us a world without meanness.

And yet..."as hard as it gets, be still and know,

the world is more beautiful with you inside it". . .

you're the antivenin to meanness.

Namaste'

Because The World Is In Need of Mercy

This is the kind of gentle, quiet beauty that sends chills 

starting in my bones and spreading through my skin cells.

"Because I am in awe of her silk-spun funnel like a gossamer tent

cascading over a green metal trowel."

How can we not marvel at the magnificence 

contained in a garden glove?  

As well as the human who notices

and shares such a splendid description

for the rest of us hurrying folks who

might miss the wonder?

I want to be like the spider...

"gathering raindrops and sweeping away 

winged seeds after a storm."

Whatever the human equivalent of this might be.

Recognizing how briefly I am here

and how swiftly I will be gone.

Namaste'

 

One Of The Worst Storms

This feels so timely, right now.

Even as dreary feelings assail me in weaker moments.

"Each drop whispered, you don't have to be much;

you just can't quit."

So I'm shoring up the banks of my inner river and continuing

to do whatever I can, no matter how small 

and ineffective it feels. 

I will not quit.

There's always a way.

May we each find ours 

and travel it with grace 

and soft, defiant, determined dignity.

Namaste'

 

Gratitude

With these words, I'm picking up my 

"flashlight with half-dead batteries" and heading out.

Hope has been described in a similar fashion.

Neither comes easy...especially in gruesome circumstances.

I will say, gratitude has realigned my thoughts

more times than I can count.

It marches in when I'm feeling sorry for myself

and sorts things out with quick efficiency.

Although, I still pitch a fit for a minute or five

when things go awry.  

I believe we deserve a cuss or a curse in fleeting moments of mayhem.

And considerably more in tragic happenings.

It requires deep, deep digging to find any sliver of gratitude then.

My heart goes out to those in the midst of these.

My "hope" is for each of us to find exactly what we need,

when we need it, to make our way, even with stumbling baby steps, 

through the rubble and the riches of our one precious life.

Namaste'

 

With The Stones of Our Stories

"Every day, the heart finds a new way to ache."

I knew humans could be cruel from books I've read about the past,

and places far away.  I'm now experiencing it nearby in real time.

It's not exaggerating to say I ache all over.

"Every day, our most sacred selves try to build a stone wall

around the heart, as if to keep the ache away."

I don't know about you, but I'm gathering stones

as big as coffee tables to distract and deny the hurt in my heart.

I'm not sure my "most sacred self" is ready to 

"dismantle the wall".  And yet, if you were to ask me

what is the one thing I wish I could do, it would be

to build bridges across the divides where folks

from all sides can dwell with decency, respect and equality,

and cruelty would be no more.

Namaste'

 

And When Your Time

"I hope [we} leave this world with a heart that is worn out and tender all over, 

with a heart that aches from loving, and feeling, and caring in the best way possible."

Does being "civilized" numb us from feeling all the vast sensations

that pass through us as we make our way?

Does the sheer volume of images and words we are presented with anesthetize us,

causing us to detach from our own humanity?

The capability for humans to behave in vicious, cruel ways 

has stunned and appalled me since I was a child reading about martyrs.

How do I keep ourself vulnerable enough to live from the center of my heart?

The thought of it exhausts me, yet it is how I want to live my life.

"I hope you leave this world knowing that you poured hope into everything you did..."

I have enormous gratitude for those people who remain hopeful

even when everything around us seems to say otherwise.

If it were possible, I would eagerly take transfusions from them regularly.

I wish things like respect and decency could be administered in the same fashion.

May we continue to let our hearts be open and soft...fierce and resilient.

May those who are soul damaged find whatever medicine is needed to heal

their brokenness and transform their behavior.

Those of us seeking true justice and dignity for all will prevail!

Namaste'

 

Defend Your Heart

This entire quote could be a list of how to stay sane, don't you think?

* Keep my heart open no matter what is happening around me?

Talk about vulnerable, right? I get nervous when I think of this yet,

I know its the way to go but that doesn't make it any easier.

 * Forgive myself first so then I can be forgiving of others?
This is no small feat, although I am getting better at remembering

that forgiving myself is important no matter how much cringe/shame I feel.

 * "Slow down - taste and touch and feel and care?"
A long way to go in this department.  I seem to be programmed for rushing.

I'm doing my best to change that.

  * Creating what I want to see in this world, and staying curious?
It's so easy to mirror what is already here and what is here 

these days on the public stage and in much of the media is decidedly

not what I want to see in this world.  It takes effort to disconnect from

fear and dismay and concentrate on bravery and changing the tone.

* Honouring my joy, and not shying away from the good that is trying to reach me 

—and convincing myself  that I am  worthy of it"?

Whoa!  This is where things require intense scrutiny on the inner plain...the outdated

scripts have hummed so long and are so deeply rooted that repotting them takes real effort.

* "Strong enough to be gentle? Brave enough to break?"
I'm ok with being gentle most of the time.  Am I brave enough to break?

I tell myself I am, but I wonder how that will hold up in a moment of reckoning?

* "Being all that I can be"?  

I don't see any way to avoid that! 

I am who I am for better or worse, thank you very much.

Namaste'

 

Maybe In Another Lifetime

Fighting is a word I avoid.

I much prefer the word "cherish",

or "treasure", or "defend".

"So please, just cherish the things 

that crack light into our life. 

Treasure the things that soften [us].""

When pondering the cracks of light in my life,

and the things that soften me,

I am greeted with an embarrassment of bounty.

What are you greeted with?

"Protect the people [we] love, leave them better than [we] found them."

I gather these words to my heart and renew my vow...

to be present, to praise, to appreciate, to cheer for

those who I have the privilege of loving in this one precious life.

With that, I sincerely hope I leave them better than I found them.

For that is the purpose of a lifetime, I'm thinking.

Namaste'