Sit With The Freedom

Freedom inside myself?

This is taking getting used to.

I've not thought of this before and I love the concept.

My body is more than well acquainted with limits.

"Galaxies inside my fingertips"?

I'm definitely needing practice to embody the universe.

I'm eager to replace my fear with awe.

Freedom can do that.

That's why I'm willing to fight for it 

with every fiber of my being.

Namaste'

 

Interview

 I enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek sense of humor of this.

The letters of recommendation were a highlight.

Who wouldn't want a "copless land where no one hoards anything"?

A copless land because cops weren't necessary?

Who wouldn't prefer not to multitask?

Not to feel so pressured that one had to?

I'm wondering if there is a way of life

where people thrive without being driven to excess.

It occurs to me that the drive to survive 

can lead many to wondrous creativity.

However, it also appears to lead to the need to accumulate

and that's where things get tangled and knotted.

"I can end on any day that ends in why not,

for real, I don't need this...

I'm with the people."

Namaste'

Memento Mori

"All things escape as if leaving me when I am the one leaving."

Each time I read this something strikes me anew.

As my time grows shorter, I consider all

I've accumulated with a wince and a vow to "cull my life."

Leave only my robe and slippers behind.

"If I try to remember it all, I'll go mad."

Perhaps its a mercy to forget...

all but the love and awe and wonder?

I want to make sure there's enough of those

to carry me over the threshold.

Namaste'

 

Let's Go Small

"We are all pinpoints of light among 

billions in the universe of space and time."

Growing up as one of twelve, I'm exquisitely familiar

with the feeling of being "lost in a crowd".  

So while this idea is "disconcerting", it isn't new to me.

I'm also keenly steeped in the belief:

"if I just work hard enough I can be or do anything

and that I should do and be something important, meaningful

and that distinguishes me from others."

It's interesting that it was close to the time I turned 50

things began to shift and I slowly let go of the need to achieve

this great purpose I was supposed to discover and live out.

(Not that I have let go of considering it frequently 

and questioning myself on its merit. I still find myself wrestling with it.)

It's deeply refreshing to hear someone else say:

"I don't have to do my caring in some big, unique,

changing-the-world kind of way."

As I write this, the thought of how stars are born

and live out their lives as "pinpoints" in the sky

doing their time, wherever they are and fading away

without fanfare or great purpose other than lighting up

their small area in a vast universe. 

I'm ok with being like a star.

Namaste'

 

When I Feel Lost And Afraid

Feeling "lost and afraid" is familiar territory, it seems, these days

if I'm honest with myself.

As much as I yearn to stay upbeat and positive,

and can manage it reasonably well, 

the lost and afraid moments are always nearby.  

"There are roots far deeper than anything I can see."

What lush and reassuring words.

A recent walk in the woods brought me the

beauty of ice sculptures on rocks 

posed on swirling waters of the creek.

The silent trees, naked and gray 

watching over the scene.

When I think of you

"others reaching for the light",

its a dose of strong medicine

like heartfelt laughter and singing,

altering the scene and the story

into something unexpected and remarkable.

Namaste'

Kinder Than Man

"Let death be kinder than (hu)man."

It might be the case since none of us has any inkling of what death is like.

The condition of our world now makes me understand why our forebears

might have resorted to the idea of heaven and hell? 

They could see the horrors humans are capable of?

Maybe they were trying to find a way to end

being killed for simply living.

Goodness will prevail.

Namaste'

 

The Loneliest Job In The World

I thought this was a hard truth

spoken in a creative manner.

"to be an accountant of the heart"

I often ask myself why everything has to be about money?

This quote echoes that question.

Can I even imagine, like in a fantasy novel, 

a world that isn't centered on money? 

What would that look like, feel like, be like?

This is my thinking exercise for today.

Indigenous societies pulled it off long, long ago, didn't they?

It's not so much the fact of money,

its the worship of it, the adoration, 

the supreme focus it evokes.

Perhaps it comes down to your attitude toward it?

Refusing to let it dictate the accounts of your heart?

Namaste'

 

Markers of Success

What a tantalizing thought.

How well you sleep at night is certainly

a worthy token of success.

However, I find that counting the books I've read 

takes away some of the joy of reading books.

How many books have you read that you 

carry around in your bloodstream and bones

might be a better way to assess? 

Or, how many books have you reread more than once?

Otherwise, especially these days, 

laughing and telling stories...or listening to them and

"feeling warm in the arms and homes of people I adore" 

seems a more than worthy pursuit.

May your sleep, your reading, your storytelling,

your laughing and warmth fill your days!

Namaste'

 

Life Occurs In The Overlap

"Life experiments and change and flourishes 

in the places where bodies meet and dialogue with each other..."

I love this word picture...

the "overlap", 

the "floodplains",

the "connective tissue".

Those unique, messy, random, unruly places where alchemy occurs. 

When one entity encounters another and connects.

It's what I believe we need to heal...

our divided selves and our divided society.

Does it happen organically?  Obviously, yes, in our bodies and in nature.

But what about our human made entities?

Do we build our communities to foster these floodplains and overlaps?

Places where our bodies can "meet and dialogue with each other"?

Or do we build walls and place checkpoints?

What if churches operated on this principle?

What if my catholic school back in the 60's had said,

"We're going to have a play date with those non-catholics across the street."

"Instead of praying for their souls, we're going to get together

and ask each other questions, have a conversation 

in order to understand each other?"

How different would our world be 

if our leaders, governments, media outlets and institutions

operated from this mindset?  Set this kind of example?

Namaste'

When I Say I Forgive You

 Talk about shifting my view of a hatchet.

"I am building myself a new house."

As my time grows shorter, I'm renovating mine.

A few adjustments here and there.

A new alcove or two, each with a different view.

A skylight in every ceiling,

to watch the universe drawing its patterns at night;

and wild migrations throughout the day.

Expand the porches, throw parties for the warblers,

feasts for the monarchs, sipping spots for hummers,

picnics for all winged travelers.

Masses of flowers...nectar everywhere...

fragrance, sounds, color, textures.

Cozy corners where darkness is befriended

its teachings received.

Lots of space for making messes

on the way to becoming masterpieces.

Time may be growing shorter,

yet, I'm just getting started.

Namaste'

Water Lies Low

"Water lies low and does not compare or compete.

I felt swamped by these words.

Especially as I was deep in the weeds 

of comparison and competition at the time.

I catch myself there often, I'm afraid.

In this respect, I would so love to liquify every

brittle, hardened patch within.

"Be the water and flow easily."

My first reaction to this thought is how passive it sounds.

And I have no desire to be passive.

Yet, water is capable of creating dramatic change.

Watch any creek bed before and after a rain storm.

I like the combination of this thought with yesterday's 

"But water always goes where it wants to go, 

and nothing in the end can stand against it."

It seems to me that as a human who is half water,

I have the potential to combine the qualities of water 

with the power of attentive intention

and participate in creating 

dignity and decency wherever I go.

Planting seeds along the way for those who come after.

Cultivating the soil with elements

that nourish and sustain a continual harvest

for all creatures inhabiting the landscape.

Namaste'

 

Water Does Not Resist

"water always goes where it wants to go"

I'm thinking of dams as I write those words and 

then "and nothing, in the end can stand against it."

Now noting how water will eventually wear away the dam

when I think in Earth time.

("If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it." 

I dare say that's the way of most women, isn't it?)

The last few days have been overwhelming in 

a most wonderful way. 

Giving witness to the beauty and power of 

young love and its amazing impact on 

everyone within its sphere is cause for ongoing celebration.

Add in the enduring love between generations and you're 

riding a wave that has no bounds! 

I recommend regular doses of it.

Namaste'

 

The Perfect Way?

Is this even possible, I'm asking myself?

It feels like my entire existence has been about making choices,

"picking and choosing, liking and disliking."

How does one go about becoming "never for or against."

Isn't this the very thing that makes us who we uniquely are?

I'm honestly not certain I can accept this but for some reason, 

I feel it bears reflecting upon as there may be at least a seed of usefulness?

Perhaps an experiment is called for in which I allow myself

to be in a place where I am not for or against?

The first thing that happens is a HUGE NO

 comes up when I consider certain things going on

in the world right now. 

It feels incredibly passive and complacent not to take a stand.

It's a surrendering of the agency I've tried so hard to foster.

Letting others steamroller my life, my spirit, my soul.

So this sounds like I am making a choice, doesn't it?

That's a pretty distinct fail in following this mindset.

Perhaps if everyone lived from this premise?

Is that even a realistic experiment?

I'm leaving this with you with a large amount of ambivalence.

Would love to hear your thoughts. 

Namaste'

 

Life After Death

 An uplifting thought as my days grow shorter.

I like to think the seeds we sow--actual seeds as well as

seeds of kindness, mercy and mutual respect will reseed...

continually bringing new life into the world.

Namaste'

If You Slice Me Open

 This image captured my attention before the words did.

 I like to think my "rings of regret" and "circles of sorrow"

are braided tightly into "growth in grace and wonder".

I believe we all send out ripples 

vibrating throughout imaginal time and space,

leaving behind invisible as well as tangible rings of impact 

creating change within the intricate and astonishing web of life

we are privileged to play a part in.

Namaste'

Close The Door

What if I don't know what I have to say?

Much of my thought process leans toward what cannot be contained 

in these small marks on this fragile and temporary page.

What I have to say hovers just on the other side of the shoreline between here 

and there, wherever there is.  I meander along the edges hoping for connection.

Discovery of some tidbit I can pick up and carry with me feeling it vibrate 

reminding me of its existence and its companionship. 

Waking up to a snow covered landscape was not in my expectations this morning as we embark on our journey south for Laney's wedding.  It's beautiful.  

May I remember to take strong note of every beautiful fleeting moment 

letting it sink into my harbor of memories to accompany me through my days.

Namaste'

 

Be The Person Who Still Tries

These words cause rumbles for me.

I'm someone who has lived according to the rule of: 

"if it's not working, go on to other things, it's not meant for you."

This rule has served me well to an extent

but in retrospect I can see some cracks in the thinking.

Some things require trying and failing, often many times.

Is it an illusion that when something is "your thing"

you will feel it to your bones and enjoy the process?

For someone who has relinquished many goals because

my bones weren't digging it, this is an important question.

The more important question might be,

what is it I want to still keep trying as life grows shorter?

Loving in spite of my feelings to the contrary is uppermost

in my mind these days.  

Namaste'

Be Ground

Be crumpled, so wildflowers can grow where you are.

A lovely thought but I'd rather be crumpled so berries can grow

to provide nourishment for creatures crossing my path.

"Surrender" as in Let It Be.

Accept what is and turn it into gold.

Be who we are and respect our magnificence and our shortcomings.

We are all crucibles of clay becoming astonishing.

Rephrase that...we already are astonishing.

Namaste'

For Those Who Accepted Non-Violence

d

Powerful words from an icon of fairness.

"the desire to redeem the souls of our brothers and sisters who were beguiled

by the illusion of superiority, 

I'm uncomfortable with his term "redeeming souls".  

Perhaps if he had said, the desire to "expand their perspective"?

I would also use limited beliefs instead of false gods but who am I to edit John Lewis?

The spirit of his words is evident and I'm in complete agreement with him on this.

The "illusion of superiority" is the key factor in the current divisive climate.

Where I find myself wincing is when I recognize how easily I don the illusion

when considering those I have relegated to the "other" side.

I am chagrined to recognize this "illusion of superiority" in myself.  

How to vehemently disagree without adopting a superior stance?

How to develop mutual respect while trying to understand an opponents viewpoint

when I know in my deepest core they are deadly wrong?

This is where I stand in awe of the work of Braver Angels

and others who are working to promote understanding and overcome division.

"It will not be over until we talk" ― Colum McCann, Apeirogon

We are in this together and there's serious work to do 

starting with ourselves and working outward!! 

Namaste'

 

Love Is

"to hold up another's well-being and dignity regardless of how you feel about them."

This, my friends, is the challenge of my life.  And it doesn't only apply to people.

It applies to animals, insects, pests, even poison ivy. All of which make great practice material

for the really difficult undertaking of those humans who ignite disdain.

It's a lesson in equality.

The hardest part is recognizing that no one and nothing is higher or lower in stature.

They all play their part in this amazing, diverse, multi faceted world.  

I don't know about you, but I've been DEEPLY programmed to apply value and "worthiness" in varying degrees to everyone and everything around me.  

It does not make me proud.

All of this has led me to the realization that love, real love, is HARD.

My intention and desire is to rise to this challenge. 

In a down moment yesterday, I found myself belittling my own sharp flaws.

Remembering to hold up my own well-being and dignity was called for.

I doubt gold medals will ever be handed out for this. 

That doesn't mean we couldn't imagine it as Olympic game material, does it?

Namaste'

 

Hope Begins

 

Communication is a Miracle

"It is not surprising that we misunderstand each other;

it is shocking that we ever communicate effectively at all."

I confess, I'm someone who focuses pretty much

only on the conversation and communication going on inside

my own head.  I seldom do a sound check to see if

my interpretation of any given situation is anywhere near

rational, open minded and based on actual evidence.

I also confess to sometimes being influenced by what I see and hear

without giving an ounce of examination.  Mostly because it lines up with 

what I want to hear or a lack of awareness.

This is why silence seems so important. 

Silence and gentle questioning of myself (and others)

to find the heart of the matter.  To face the contradictions.

To consider my own motivations and incompleteness.

To be attentive to what I don't know yet.

To be willing to make mistakes, to fail, to learn and to keep going.

Emphasis on gentle. Emphasis on heart.

Emphasis on understanding...myself and others.

We're in this together.

Namaste'

 

Thoughts for 2024