I Believe That Words

 This thought jolted me;

especially when she added "verbal tone".

I cringe when I hear myself at times...

a fertile area for bountiful growth...

planting seeds for softer, calmer, less defensive tones.

kastilwell

Keep Growing

"Keep growing quietly and seriously...

(no matter your age)

Reach for spaciousness in everything;

like the roots reach downward 

and the branches reach outward.

Zoom out to where you become invisible

yet present in the vast universe.

This can provide a fruitful perspective.

 "Questions only your inmost feeling

in your most hushed hour..."

What are those questions?

I suspect we all ask similar ones?

Am I living my life authentically?

Does anything need to change?

What does love look like

in this situation or that circumstance?

Am I living up to my potential?

Where do I turn for help?

Guidance lies within the deep listening.

kastilwell

Everyday Is Not An Opportunity

After reading the grim climate change updates,

its somewhat comforting to read this.

The grief over our planet is strong and deep.

It accompanies me 

as I rejoice in the coolness of these mountains,

knowing how privileged it is

to be living here.

kastilwell

It's A Secret Religion

I'm dedicating myself to love.

Doing my best to practice it faithfully.

Giving of myself to expand its boundaries 

and strengthen its impact.

kastilwell

 

That Which Takes Us By Surprise

I want to train my mind to

focus on these moments 

of surprise and happiness...

to give them as much consideration;

 actually MORE consideration.

I want them embedded in my cells,

subduing the noise;

filtering out harmful influences.

Strengthening what is life giving

and discarding what diminishes

originality and dignity,

kastilwell

 

By Questioning Your Own Mind

Agnes Martin intrigues me.

While I resonate with some of what she says,

 I find myself questioning her as well.

There's a tone of certainty to her words

that unsettles me even as it

invites further exploration

into the vast inner world

of making art 

and seeking truth.

Thanks for accompanying me.

kastilwell

 

What Song Can I Sing

 Found this in an old notebook.  

Sometimes I surprise myself.  

Rise Like A Farmer

 "Work loose what is stuck in you

through service to whatever crosses your path."

My favorite line!

Now I'm considering my edgelands...

the inner estuary where the 

arid places begin to soften

into a bayou of possibility.

Inner fences invite attention as well.

I take note of "shut down" in conversations, 

and places I say no instead of

opening to know.  

This is it,

whatever I'm preparing for

is right here, right now.

kastilwell

If I Were God

 

Do Not Be Afraid

Though I choose to spend 

a good bit of time alone,

I do question the quality of it.

This quote encourages me to

strengthen my intention

and be more conscious

of how the time unfolds.

It's way too easy to reach

for distractions and get 

lost in what others say and do.

Sinking down into my own

material is much more challenging.

It's summoning the courage to believe

its worthy of the effort.

kastilwell

 

People Who Sincerely Search

 Even for those who are awkward at loving,

because loving can be hard,

especially when one is caught

in that place of friction

between your own wants and needs

and the wants and needs

or the less than ideal behavior of

those you love.

Loving someone you strongly disagree with

or whose behavior you deem intolerable

can be the most challenging. 

So much easier to give up and harden your heart.

I believe it comes down to

seeking to understand

rather than to dominate.

May we all continue 

our own unique sincere search

"toward more love and union...

in ever widening circles."

kastilwell

Trust Yourself

I sat with this awhile before deciding to share this.

 "Trust thyself:"

was the line that captured me.

I'm struck by how the language,

though dated,

 holds such eloquence.

"...not cowards fleeing before a revolution,

but guides, redeemers, and benefactors..."

was another phrase that stood out.

It strengthens my heart to think of us this way.

May we stay gentle and strong.

kastilwell

How To Hold Regret Tenderly

I started to say, my typical response

to regret is to deny it, when I remembered

David Whyte's essay on the matter in his book, Consolations.

"Sincere regret may, in fact, be a faculty for paying attention to the future, 

for sensing a new tide where we missed a previous one, 

for experiencing timelessness with a grandchild where we neglected a boy of our own.

 To regret fully is to appreciate how high the stakes are in even the average human life. 

Fully experienced, regret turns our eyes, attentive and alert, 

to a future possibly lived better than our past."

He does have a way with thoughts and words.

I'm noting what a gift it is to have

people who can share their thoughts and feelings

through eloquent words by sharing their humanity

with their readers who calibrate their thinking and living,

contributing untold value to the River of Goodness.

kastilwell

 

Taking In The Good

 "taking in the good."

Not only looking at the bright side,

but taking it in...letting it sink

into your bones so it becomes 

part of you to carry onward 

in your molecules.  

"Stepping into the landscape more fully

with your imagination and your presence."

Exchanging life with the plants and trees and atmosphere

with every inhale and exhale

in an alternating rhythm--

a duet of reciprocity.

kastilwell

Even With The Magnitude Before Us

https://onbeing.org/programs/seeing-the-generative-story-of-our-time/#transcript

"to take ourselves more seriously,

to act like the ecosystem

the world needs us to be"

Definition:An ecosystem is a geographic area 

where plants, animals, and other organisms, 

as well as weather and landscapes, 

work together to form a bubble of life.

"joining our vulnerabilities,

and joining our flourishing."

Instead of social media bubbles that divide

we are creating a bubble of life

that includes all.  

kastilwell

 

Seeing How Ordinary It is

 I am moved by this reminder

of how powerful quiet dignity and decency are

AND

how plentiful.

We tend to stop seeing the commonplace,

the ordinary, the everyday grace.

Let's remember. 

Let's cherish this.

Let's notice it.

Let's live it with full attention.

kastilwell

The Longer I Live

 Talk about "making the unknown known"*

To put a spotlight on the light one carries.

Especially if that one is yourself.

"Life and shame and sorrow" 

take center stage so often,

it's refreshing to know there's a way

to attend to the goodness

so often lost in the background.

I believe it gets lost because 

its commonplace, like dandelions.

It's everywhere shining so quietly

we take it for granted instead 

of marveling at its magnitude.

kastilwell

*Georgia O'Keefe

My Mother's Hands

As I reflect on mom's physical absence, I am reminded of her hands.

It's prompted me to revisit this piece from a few years back. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

Mom is almost 92. This past weekend she attended her grandson Nick’s wedding. A crisis ensued when she found herself unable to flush the toilet in the hotel room and found herself unable to tend to her normal ablution’s due to the low height of the commode.  It was also brought to my attention that her hands have become so frail that even writing checks is arduous. 

I wrote this in an effort to convey all those hands mean to me.

My mothers hands

My mothers hands on her Saint Basil hymnal caught the attention 

of the college boy who became her husband and my father.

Her hands brought him close and they created me.

Those hands held me, swaddled me, and swatted me, 

(a teaching tool of the era);

Those hands embraced 12 tiny infants as they entered the world 

conceived, carried and born from her flesh.

Those hands sterilized and filled baby bottles and 

canning jars for years.

Those hands wrung out countless soiled diapers in the creepy basement 

of the house where we lived growing up.

Those hands held our forehead when we puked into the toilet.

Her hands chose fabrics, pinned on pattern pieces, 

cut them and sewed them into clothing for her brood.

Her hands knit and embroidered sweaters for each of her daughters 

in secret one Christmas. There were six of us.

Those hands made Barbie doll clothes – – including wedding dresses.

Those hands played songs on the piano for us to sing along.

Those hands kneaded dough for cinnamon rolls 

and homemade noodles.

Those hands helped slaughter chickens to feed her chicks.

Those hands knit baby blankets for grandchildren 

and great grandchildren.

Those hands bid a mournful farewell to a beloved husband, 

two grown sons, a mother and a father, and beloved sisters.

Those hands have made over a thousand Almond Puffs. 

Yes, she’s counted!

They have held my hand, stroked my hair, raised up in hello, 

gathered me close for an embrace, waved goodbye.

Those hands have fingered more rosary beads then can be counted.

My daughter always commented on how soft her hands are.

The diminishment of aging is normal and inevitable. 

We come into this world without a choice--completely vulnerable--

completely at the mercy of the human hands around us. 

In many cases that is how we leave. 

However the tiny babe has no knowledge of what it’s like 

to be strong and useful and capable. 

Those with intact memory carry those memories and the grief 

that goes with the loss of them into the vulnerabilities of age.

Both periods of life call for a trust in our fellow human beings and 

whatever mystery we believe in to care for us, 

ideally with dignity, compassion, and love.

Those hands, my mother’s hands are the symbol 

of what love would look like if it had a form.

Here's another photo  of mom's hands posted by my sister, Reena.

All Earthlings are Kin in the Deepest Sense

"all earthlings are kin in the deepest sense."

This point is being brought home to me

in a deep and surprising way as I contemplate my ancestry

and realize there are innumerable beings who participated

in my presence in this form on this planet. 

What I come away with is the distinct sense

that we are all related.  We are all in this together.

 "protect our spaces and our time for non-instrumental, 

non commercial activity and thought, 

for maintenance, for care, for conviviality."

Something to become more aware of in daily living.  

Where I run into some inner conflict is when

instrumental and commercial elements are necessary,

such as in buying a ticket to board a plane

to fly hundreds of miles

in order to be with loved ones

"in the flesh" "for care and conviviality";

the many sides of this get tumbled together.

Finding the sweet spot amidst

the various elements ---

humanity, more than humans, 

technology and commerciality

and landscape is a balancing act.

Technology brought me

a treasured last encounter

with my mom.

It was "instrumental"

for our human encounter.

Weaving it all together into a cloth

that nourishes our human animality

is what matters, I believe.

kastilwell

Mom

 

A New Kind of Conversation

 In sorrow and joy to the woman who birthed me.

In grief and relief to the woman who raised me.

I rejoice for the privilege of being your child.

I give thanks for your presence 

as I mourn your absence.

You loved me like no other.

Rest in Peace and Rest in Power

I am fortunate to call you my mother.

kastilwell

Beautiful Things

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=767756501809211&set=pb.100057246047673.-2207520000.

I came across this beautiful poem

as I was searching for a way to

respond to this quote from Krista Tippett-

"We are more familiar with the story 

of catastrophe and dysfunction, 

and that is real. 

But it’s not the whole story of us. 

. . .

 there is also an ordinary and 

abundant reality of things 

that are going right at any given time, 

of learning and growth that is happening, 

of evolution, and breakthrough.”

Isn't it wonderful how some poets

have such a splendid gift 

for getting to the heart of a matter?

And providing the words

for the unknown we are seeking?

kastilwell

 

Every Surface of Fracture

    This is why I have faith in the River of Goodness. I opened Krista's email three times

during an active weekend with family but never got beyond the first skim. Settling down back at home, I found an email where a dear friend, called this to the forefront of my attention.

"all of life is being revealed 

in its insistence on wholeness"

Every time something horrific happens,

calls for a remembrance of this.

Believe me, I wish it wasn't so.

I wish dreadful things didn't have

to be part of the package of life.

and then, this last line.  To make it

"vivid and practical and real, 

starting inside ourselves and 

with the lives we’ve been given.”

These powerful lines,

following O'Keefe's words...

"making our unknown known,"

make me feel like I'm being led

gently and firmly into a way

of being where wholeness

and wellbeing are possible

and available to all.

kastilwell