Sunday, September 30, 2018

Truth Emerges

“The more aggressive our search for the truth the more some people are offended by the press. I take great strength in knowing that in my experience the truth does emerge. It takes forever sometimes, but it does emerge. And any relaxation by the press will end up being costly to democracy.” 

Ben Bradlee

He knew that finding the truth required standing up to power and not getting pushed around by anyone.  

************************

These days, when lying seems rampant and successful, this is reassuring.  I continue to believe TRUTH ENDURES. I continue to look for it with much gratitude to those journalists, like Jane Meyer, whose diligence and determination and courage I rely on.  And I continue to speak it out whenever possible.   

Saturday, September 29, 2018

This too shall pass


There are a number of snarky comments that come to mind about things I'm hoping will pass away very, very soon.

However, in light of the intention of the quote, I will refrain.  Instead, I will focus on those delicious moments that often come upon me when I'm unaware.  The smell of fresh coffee; the scent of a loved one, an unexpected blossom, the sound of crickets in the predawn hours, or the gentle rain on the roof.  Those sorts of tiny treasures I often miss noticing.  They will nourish me when I'm starved for civility, justice, integrity, and dignity in the world. 

I send love and strength and support to all the women and men who suffer from the impact of assault and/or abuse of any kind.  I also recognize there are women and men who are enduring various kinds of violations to their humanity in the present.  True change is happening thanks to those who are speaking out and those of us who are in solidarity with them.  May it continue to grow.

Friday, September 28, 2018

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Truth with Real Justice and Liberty

My deepest and most profound hope. 

Let's focus our thoughts (and actions) on TRUTH and  REAL JUSTICE  and  TRUE LIBERTY 
-- FOR ALL.


Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Maya Angelou quote

A Woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself and only herself.

~Maya Angelou
Maya says it best.  

My "river" would be more accurately termed a creek.  At least that's what it's named--Jones Creek.  I realize I do not know how the distinction is made by those who name things.  

Here's what I found out.

"Generally, the difference is size: you can step over a brook, jump over a creek, wade across a stream, and swim across a river. But the distinction between them (especially creek and stream) is somewhat hazy, and depends on who named them and when they were named."  source

If you want a more in-depth answer to the difference between the two, you can find it here.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Dr. Seuss

I have to confess, while Dr. Seuss's words sound all wise and wonderful on the surface,...I have some doubts.
I do wake up with regrets but I'm trying to put them in the background where they can get drowned out by the more positive thoughts I'm practicing on.  Forgiving the people who don't treat me right is a loaded topic...one I am nowhere near accomplishing but at least I can say I'm willing to point my face in that direction.

Did you notice how I completely ignored "love the people who treat you right"?  How easy it is to skim right past the positive aspects of life, taking for granted those people and pieces providing comfort and support and love and zero in on the more difficult and challenging and negative.

Thoughts matter.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

An excerpt of the "thought download" process

Some of you may not have the time to listen to the entire podcast I shared in an earlier post.  Or you may have listened but, like me, it's difficult to remember all the steps.  With that in mind, I thought I'd describe it here.

Thought Download Exercise 
1.  Write out everything you are thinking.  5-10 minutes is enough.  Do it when you have time and/or have many negative emotions.  (She suggests using bathroom time if need be.)
2.  Look back over what you wrote and determine which are thoughts and which are circumstances?  Adopt an attitude of compassionate curiosity. Circumstances are the FACTS...no opinions, no feelings, simply facts.
a.  What are the circumstances? Circumstances can be a noun.  For example, my life, my relationship, my work, my body.
b.  What are the thoughts?
3.  Pick one thought and put it in a model.  
First Example:  From the podcast
Circumstance: Her business
Thought:  I have too many things going on right now to pick a financial business goal
Her feeling:  Overwhelmed
Her action:  make no decisions, distract on social media, waste time.
Result:  No financial business goal and she still has too many things going on because she hasn't moved ahead on any of them.

The result is the evidence of the original thought.  By allowing herself to go into overwhelm, she was able to "show" herself the truth of that thought.  Overwhelm, although uncomfortable, can be a safe place. 

To change the model so it serves you,  work it backward.

1. Ask yourself what is the result you want.  In the example, the result she wanted was to have a financial business goal.
2.  If that's the result you want, what is the action you need to take?  Pick a financial business goal and like your reasons for it.
3.  Ask yourself, "How do I have to feel if I am going to (FILL IN YOUR DESIRED RESULT) and like my reasons for it?
Her answer:  In control.
4.  Then you need to pick a thought about your result that makes you feel the way you need to so you can achieve your result and like your reasons for it. 
5.  Thought she picked was "there's plenty of time to get everything done." This is the thought that worked for her.  Everyone's thought is different and specific to them. 
Second Example:  From my personal exercise

Fact: My life.
Thought: I cannot verbalize a unique and useful purpose for my life.  I have so many interests I don't want to limit it to just one and I'm not smart enough, don't have the right credentials, can't decide what it is I want to do, etc.  etc. etc.
Feeling: Paralyzed and mute and without a feeling of purpose or usefulness in my life.
Action: Research options, consider all the things I can do to achieve more knowledge or skill, make endless lists of possibilities or avoid the discomfort by using various methods of "relaxation" such as looking for a good book, or looking for knitting projects when I already have several lined up, watching mindless tv, computer games, calling someone, etc. 
Result: No focus and continued paralysis and muteness.
So I worked it backward.
The result I want:  I want to feel like I'm doing something useful for the greater good of humanity.
What action do I need to take for that result?  "Focus on one thing I can do which is useful and contributes to the greater good.
What is the Action?  Pick a goal and like the reasons for choosing it.  "Create a blog that contributes to the idea that our thoughts can create the world we choose. "
What thought about this goal moves me forward?"I already have everything I need."
This blog is the result of that exercise.  


Your Anxiety is Lying to You


This is where I really have to be aware and focused because the idea that I am not loved and not going to be okay creeps in with such wicked stealth and cunning, I find myself operating from its lies without realizing it.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

A New Way of Seeing A Serious Issue

This was a meme on Twitter and Facebook I came across recently.  It's long but worth your time to read it if you haven't already.  (For the record, I don't agree with her saying a woman who likes having orgasms is slutty.)  It's also not the sort of thing I envisioned as a daily uplifting thought because of its length and the seriousness of the topic.  However, it is a new way of thinking about this issue which is so deeply divisive.  What she suggests ends unwanted pregnancies. Isn't that what people want?    My personal motto has always been "choose life".  This is one way of bringing that about.  


Thread by @designmom: 
I'm a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I've been listening to men grandstand about women's reproductive rights, and I'm convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here's why…

If you want to stop abortion, you need to prevent unwanted pregnancies. And men are 100% responsible for unwanted pregnancies. No for real, they are. Perhaps you are thinking: IT TAKES TWO! And yes, it does take two for "intentional" pregnancies. But ALL unwanted pregnancies are caused by the irresponsible ejaculations of men. Period. Don’t believe me? Let me walk you through it. 

Let’s start with this: women can only get pregnant about 2 days each month. And that’s for a limited number of years. That makes 24 days a year a woman might get pregnant. But men can cause pregnancy 365 days a year. In fact, if you’re a man who ejaculates multiple times a day, you could cause multiple pregnancies daily. In theory, a man could cause 1000+ unwanted pregnancies in just one year.  And though their sperm gets crappier as they age, men can cause unwanted pregnancies from puberty till death. 

So just starting with basic biology + the calendar it’s easy to see men are the issue here. But what about birth control? If a woman doesn’t want to risk an unwanted pregnancy, why wouldn’t she just use birth control? If a woman can manage to figure out how to get an abortion, surely she can get birth control, right? Great questions.

Modern birth control is possibly the greatest invention of the last century, and I am very grateful for it. It’s also brutal.  The side effects for many women are ridiculously harmful. So ridiculous, that when an oral contraception for men was created, it wasn’t approved……because of the side effects. And the list of side effects was about 1/3 as long as the known side effects for women's oral contraception. 

 Male Birth Control Study Killed After Men Report Side Effects

Science has failed yet again to come up with hormonal birth control for men. The most recent study was
stopped because the men reported problems with side effects like mood swings and acne. There’s a lot to be unpacked just in that story, but I’ll simply point out (in case you didn’t know) that as a society, we really don’t mind if women suffer, physically or mentally, as long as it makes things easier for men.

But good news, Men: Even with the horrible side effects, women are still very willing to use birth control. Unfortunately, it’s harder to get than it should be. Birth control options for women require a doctor’s appointment and a prescription. It’s not free, and often not cheap. In fact, there are many people trying to make it more expensive by fighting to make sure insurance companies refuse to cover it. Oral contraceptives for women can’t be acquired easily, or at the last minute. And they don't work instantly. If we’re talking about the pill, it requires consistent daily use and doesn’t leave much room for mistakes, forgetfulness, or unexpected disruptions to daily schedules.

And again, the side effects can be brutal. I’M STILL GRATEFUL FOR IT PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT AWAY. I’m
just saying women's birth control isn’t simple or easy. In contrast, let’s look at birth control for men,
meaning condoms. Condoms are readily available at all hours, inexpensive, convenient, and don’t require a prescription.  They’re effective and work on demand, instantly. Men can keep them stocked up just in case, so they’re always prepared. Amazing! They are so much easier than birth control options for women. As a bonus, in general, women love when men use condoms. They keep us from getting STDs, they don’t lessen our pleasure during sex……or prevent us from climaxing. And the best part? Clean up is so much easier — no waddling to the toilet as your jizz drips down our legs. So why in the world are there ever unwanted pregnancies? Why don't men just use condoms every time they have sex? Seems so simple, right? Oh.
 I remember. Men _don’t_ love condoms. In fact, men frequently pressure women to have sex without a condom. And it’s not unheard of for men to remove the condom during sex, without the women’s permission or knowledge.
(Pro-tip: That's assault.)That's what a dangerous new sex trend called 'Stealthing' is.

Imagine having sex with a man, agreeing beforehand to use protection, only to find out that he removed the condom during intercourse. Why would men want to have sex without a condom? Good question.
Apparently, it’s because for the minutes they are penetrating their partner, having no condom on gives the experience more pleasure.So…there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant —
 which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career, so that they can experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure? Is that for real? Yes. Yes, it is.

What are we talking about here pleasure-wise? If there’s a pleasure scale, with pain beginning at zero and going down into the negatives, a back-scratch falling at 5, and an orgasm without a condom being a 10, where would sex with a condom fall? Like a 7 or 8? So it’s not like sex with a condom is not pleasurable it’s just not as pleasurable. An 8 instead of a 10. Let me emphasize that again: Men regularly choose to put women at massive risk by having non-condom sex, in order to experience a few minutes of slightly more pleasure.


Now keep in mind, for the truly condom-averse, men also have a non-condom, always-ready birth control built right in, called the pull-out. It’s not perfect, and it's a favorite joke, but it is also 96% effective.  So surely we can expect me who aren't wearing a condom to at least pull out every time they have sex, right? 


 Nope. 

 And why not? Well, again, apparently it’s slightly more pleasurable to climax inside a vagina than, say, on their partner’s stomach. So men are willing to risk the life, health and well-being of women, in order to experience a tiny bit more pleasure for like 5 seconds during orgasm. It’s mind-boggling and disturbing when you realize that’s the choice men are making. And honestly, I’m not as mad as I should be about this, because we’ve trained men from birth that their pleasure is of utmost importance in the world.
 (And to dis-associate sex and pregnancy.)

While we’re here, let’s talk a bit more about pleasure and biology. Did you know that a man CAN'T get a woman
pregnant without having an orgasm? Which means that we can conclude getting a woman pregnant is a pleasurable act for men. But did you further know that men CAN get a woman pregnant without HER feeling any pleasure at all? In fact, it’s totally possible for a man to impregnate a woman even while causing her excruciating pain, trauma or horror.

In contrast, a woman can have non-stop orgasms with or without a partner and never once get herself pregnant. A woman’s orgasm has literally nothing to do with pregnancy or fertility — her clitoris exists not for creating new
babies, but simply for pleasure.  No matter how many orgasms she has, they won’t make her pregnant. Pregnancies can only happen when men have an orgasm. Unwanted pregnancies can only happen when men orgasm irresponsibly.

What this means is a women can be the sluttliest slut in the entire world who loves having orgasms all day long and all night long and she will never find herself with an unwanted pregnancy unless a man shows up and ejaculates irresponsibly.  

Women enjoying sex does not equal unwanted pregnancy and abortion. Men enjoying sex and having irresponsible ejaculations is what causes unwanted pregnancies and abortion.Let’s talk more about responsibility. Men often don’t know, and don’t ask, and don’t think to ask, if they’ve caused a pregnancy. They may never think of it, or associate sex with making babies at all. Why? Because there are 0 consequences for men who cause unwanted pregnancies.

If the woman decides to have an abortion, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation. If the woman decides to have the baby, or put the baby up for adoption, the man may never know he caused an unwanted pregnancy with his irresponsible ejaculation, or that there’s now a child walking around with 50% of his DNA.

If the woman does tell him that he caused an unwanted pregnancy and that she’s having the baby, the closest thing to a consequence for him, is that he may need to pay child support. But our current child support system is well-known to be a joke. 61% of men (or women) who are legally required to pay it, simply don’t. With little or no repercussions. Their credit isn’t even affected. So, many men keep going as is, causing unwanted pregnancies with irresponsible ejaculations and never giving it thought.

When the topic of abortion comes up, men might think: Abortion is horrible; women should not have abortions. And never once consider the man who CAUSED the unwanted pregnancy. If you’re not holding men responsible for unwanted pregnancies, then you are wasting your time.

Stop protesting at clinics. Stop shaming women. Stop trying to overturn abortion laws. If you actually care about reducing or eliminating the number of abortions in our country, simply HOLD MEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR
 ACTIONS. 

What would that look like? What if there was a real and immediate consequence for men who cause an unwanted pregnancy? What kind of consequence would make sense? Should it be as harsh,painful, nauseating, scarring, expensive, risky, and life-altering……as forcing a woman to go through a 9-month unwantedpregnancy?

In my experience, men really like their testicles. If irresponsible ejaculations were putting their balls at risk,
they would stop being irresponsible. Does castration seem like a cruel and unusual punishment?
Definitely. But is it worse than forcing 500,000 women a year to puke daily for months, gain 40 pounds, and then rip their bodies apart in childbirth? Is a handful of castrations worse than women dying during forced pregnancy &
childbirth? 

Put a castration law on the books, implement the law, let the media tell the story, and in 3 months or less, tada!
abortions will have virtually disappeared. Can you picture it? No more abortions in less than 3 months, without ever trying to outlaw them. Amazing.

For those of you who consider abortion to be murder, wouldn’t you be on board with having a handful of men castrated, if it prevented 500,000 murders each year? And if not, is that because you actually care more about policing women’s bodies, morality, and sexuality, than you do about reducing or eliminating abortions? 
(That’s a rhetorical question.)

Hey, you can even have the men who will be castrated bank their sperm before it happens — just in case they want to responsibly have kids some day. 

Can’t wrap your head around a physical punishment for men? Even though you seem to be more than fine with physical punishments for women? Okay. Then how about this prevention idea: At the onset of puberty, all males in the U.S. could be required by law to get a vasectomy. Vasectomies are very safe, totally reversible, and about as invasive as an doctor's exam for a woman getting a birth control prescription. There is some soreness afterwards for about 24 hours, but that’s pretty much it for side effects.(So much better than The Pill, which is taken by millions of women in our country, the side effects of which are well known and can be brutal.)

If/when the male becomes a responsible adult, and perhaps finds a mate, if they want to have a baby, the vasectomy can be reversed, and then redone once the childbearing stage is over. And each male can bank their sperm before the vasectomy, just in case.  It's not that wild of an idea. 80% of males in the U.S. are
 circumcised, most as babies. And that's not reversible. Don’t like my ideas? That’s fine. I’m sure there are better
 ones. Go ahead and suggest your own ideas. 

My point is that it’s nonsense to focus on women if you’re trying to get rid of abortions. Abortion is the “cure” for an unwanted pregnancy. If you want to stop abortions, you need to prevent the “disease" - meaning, unwanted pregnancies. And the only way to do that, is by focusing on men, because: MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED PREGNANCIES. Or. IRRESPONSIBLE EJACULATIONS BY MEN CAUSE 100% OF UNWANTED
PREGNANCIES.

If you’re a man, what would the consequence need to be for you to never again ejaculate irresponsibly? Would it be money related? Maybe a loss of rights or freedoms? Physical pain?Ask yourselves: What would it take for you to value the life of your sexual partner more than your own temporary pleasure or convenience?

Are you someone who learns better with analogies? Let’s try this one: Think of another great pleasure in life, let’s
 say food. Think of your favorite meal, dessert, or drink. What if you found out that every time you indulge in that
 favorite food you risked causing great physical and mental pain for someone you know intimately. You might not cause any pain, but it’s a real risk. Well, you’d probably be sad, but never indulge in that food again, right? Not worth the risk!

And then, what if you further found out, there was a simple thing you could do before you ate that favorite food, and it would eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone else. Which is great news! BUT the simple thing you need to do makes the experience of eating the food slightly less pleasurable. To be clear, it would still be VERY pleasurable, but slightly less so. Like maybe you have to eat the food with a fork or spoon that you don’t particularly like.  Would you be willing to do that simple thing, and eliminate the risk of causing pain to someone you know intimately, every single time you ate your favorite food? 

 OF COURSE YOU WOULD. Condoms (or even pulling out) is that simple thing. Don’t put women at risk. Don’t choose to maximize your own pleasure if it risks causing women pain.  Men mostly run our government. Men mostly make the laws. And men could eliminate abortions in 3 months or less without ever touching an abortion law or evening mentioning women. 

In summary: STOP TRYING TO CONTROL WOMEN'S BODIES AND SEXUALITY. UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ARE CAUSED BY MEN.

Gabrielle Blair@designmom

Friday, September 21, 2018

Thoughts Matter



Our thoughts matter. We can learn to master our thoughts and achieve a life of our own design.  Thoughts can be changed in a way that gives us new meaning and perspective in life.

 Link to the Podcast
Katrina Ubell, M.D. gives listeners a model for reviewing your thoughts and adjusting them in order to move toward your desired result.  Her “thought download” process provides a useful way to practice. Check it out and let me know.  If your time is limited, (whose isn't these days?) jump to 19.57 timestamp on the podcast.

PS:  Don't be put off by the title.  It's not just about weight loss and it's not just for doctors!  Let me know if you run into difficulty with the link.

PSS:  I posted a description of Dr. Ubell's Thought Download Exercise here.


Thursday, September 20, 2018

First Day of the Rest of Your Life

The title may be a cliche, but, I'm embarking on this endeavor with that very thought in mind.

When I was a young teenager, I fell under the spell of a book entitled, Psycho-Cybernetics by Max Maltz.  To this day, I remember the feeling of limitless possibility opening up before me.  It was like winning a ticket to anything I wanted!

There is a thought process involved in bringing that original feeling back.  One that I have to consciously tap into in order to conjure it forth.  It's easily lost in the shuffle of daily life.  It's been tucked away for decades with only brief flashes of remembrance occurring infrequently and slipping back into the haze of memory.

This new blog is a means for me to fulfill a goal I've finally been able to verbalize. It has to do with the message of that book.  That message is that thoughts matter.  They create our world. 

My goal is to share something (hopefully) useful each day with others for the greater good.  It may be something from the past, like Max; it may be something I've just discovered, or it may be something that touched me briefly which I revisit.

Happy to have you along for the ride.