Walking into 2019

I'll be honest.  This is hard but I'm determined.  This will be posted somewhere prominent to remind me when there is slippage.  There is an adult philosophy course beginning here in this small town for which I feel especially grateful.  It begins by reminding me what a spectacular miracle it is to be a  human being alive in this incredibly wondrous universe.  It mentions how many of us sink down into the comforts of routine and habit forgetting the wonder and awe of life.  My intention is to live in a state of wonder and awe from this point foward! KAS

Invisible Nets of Love

These nets of love are strong and beautiful.  They gather us all together and support us so we can each do our work to make our world a more just and welcoming place for ALL.  May they heal what is wrong and uplift what is wholehearted.  KAS

Less than a Man's Pay

She said these words sometime around 1861!  Think about that!   Think how long women have been fighting for equality. The truth is, as I see it, when human beings value decency and humanity and equality, they are driven by their concern for their fellow creatures.  Sometimes the money follows but often it doesn't because the opposing force...the one which worships money over humanity has a completely different idea of what matters.  Even though I know it's a complex subject, that difference seems to be what is at the core the current division in the world.  KAS

In case you're interested, as I was, there is a monument in Clara Barton's honor at Antietam.  No statue though.

Shifting

This is certainly something I aspire to and I'd like to think I'm making progress.  Truth is, there is still work to be done in this arena.  It is shifting though. That I am certain of.  Things I once valued in an abstract way have become much more real and much more precious.  Truth, Justice--REAL justice, and liberty FOR ALL has taken on a new level of poignancy.  KAS

Breathe--The Chapter is Not the Story

Sometimes, chapters are long.  Longer than you wish with dense or difficult prose.  As a reader, I enjoy skimming over unappealing sections of a story. As a human being living my story, there is a way to do this but I'm not sure I recommend it.   I often listen to stories where I have the option to fast-forward or rewind a section; options not available to us as we write our real-life human-being-living story.  With awareness and thoughtfulness, you can change the arc of your story/life.  And, the most important piece of this for me is I am the one doing the writing.  I may be getting situations from an apparently random universe, but my response; my story, belongs to me.  I seek to own it with gusto!  KAS

Face It Till You Make It

And that's what it takes.  So don't give up.  Be kind to yourself.  Rest if you must but get back in there and keep going!  I believe in you.  KAS

Planting the seeds

Contemplating the seeds I am planting both consciously and unconsciously seems a worthwhile exercise.What do I want to see grow in my life?  ... on this planet?  ...in this society?  KAS

Find the Barriers

As deeply embedded and strongly rooted as they are, I hope time, self-awareness and practice will see them crumbling into ruin.  Wishing love to all even when it's painful.  KAS

Fountain Inside

This speaks to me of the very mystery and wonder of this life I carry within this vessel of a physical body.  No words are sufficient to say more. KAS

Life is Amazing and Awful

Focus on the amazing because sometimes it slips by me.  I recognize it in the rearview mirror.  Holding on has become a way of life.  What is "holding on" for some of us is a deadly situation for others...being locked up unjustly or separated from your children are two situations that come to mind as well as a gruesome event in a Saudi consulate. Meanwhile, here in my comfortable life, I pull a mantle of gratitude around me; relax and exhale through the ordinary and vow to do everything I can to tend to those who are in the awful of life or faced with the end of their beautiful ordinary life.  KAS

Power

I'm glad for this reminder as, these days, I often struggle against a feeling of powerlessness.  I will not give in to that mirage.  Every one of us has power beyond our imaginings.  The trick is to use it.  And to do so for the good of all.  That is the mantra I am carrying with me.  We have lots of work to do, people and we need each other to make it happen.  KAS

Laughter

I don't consider tragedy ridiculous.  However, I know it's easier to be maudlin and serious than light-hearted and focused on what's going well.  At least that's how it works in my world.  This inspires me to shift my thinking to look for the comedy in the situations I find myself in.  There is certainly enough grief in the world already.  No reason to add to it with overwrought emphasis on it.  KAS

Well folded

May your well-folded self be courageous, be righteous, be just and be kind.  KAS

Cathedral or Laboratory

Three letters.  G. O. D.  When put together, these three letters invoke an image; a response, a thought. Consider what they invoke for you.  There's a unique aspect, known only to you, as well as a universal one. Consider how your thoughts regarding this inform your life.   KAS

Friends

And, I am fortunate to have them in my world.  They keep me sane and help me grow.  They are the true gifts of the season.  KAS

Be Present

Like a visit to a foreign country!  And courageous enough to endure the deeply embedded impulse TO DO something.  Not for the faint hearted.  KAS

Only with the Heart

This speaks to real value.  Worthiness.  All those invisible treasures hidden beneath the surface of celebrity, fame, fortune and "success" as well as beneath the surface of poverty, illness, and simple ordinary existence.  This world does not compensate anyone for true worth because it cannot.  Nothing it has to offer can suffice.  It's the heart currency of truth, justice, compassion, empathy, vulnerability, and mutual respect. Those priceless jewels we cannot see with our eyes but know when we are witnessing their presence.  KAS

Life Is Happening Now

I find myself often on a balancing wire between "Don't wait for it! Go out and make it happen!" and "Settle yourself into the here and now and inhabit the life you have."  It's an interesting tension.  How I think about (judge) my life colors it.  And I'm the one hefting the brush!  KAS

In The Face of Rejection

This speaks to the core of what we truly value.  When I scan my experience for those who serve as models of this, certain people come to mind.  People who maintain their kindness, honesty and integrity even while being maligned and battered in public.  I choose to continue to focus my intentions and thoughts and hopefully my actions in this direction.  I seek to be the thermostat rather than the thermometer.  KAS

Forgive Yourself

Ahhhh, forgive.  Let it go.  Release the clutches of guilt and regret on your heart.  Shake it off and carry on with your light and your wonderful life.  It's only about the love.  KAS

Self-Care=Survival

This is worth reminding myself of often.  The amount of guilt that loiters around in the corners of my inner world chastising me for anything perceived self-indulgent is a most challenging opponent to self-worth AND self-care.

The current power outage has brought things into stark relief.  Things I can control and things I cannot.  It's not very pretty but it is revealing.  Light, heat, hot beverages and food, not to mention the luxury of a shower are no longer taken for granted.  And let's not even begin to discuss the intangible things like good humor and patience amidst the discomfort.  KAS

Choice

Some people have a tough time with this. 

I find it is helpful to remind myself of this whenever I’m crabby about a situation in my life. Remembering that I do have a choice and that I’m free to make a different one at any time really puts a different spin on how I navigate unpleasant situations.  It’s a way to take back your own power. 

Love Is Universal

This was an expanded way of seeing love.  Makes me realize the meaning I have for a word is so often small.  I want to begin to add shadow and texture and color and light to the words I often use.  Things like love and life hold such complexity and nuance.  KAS

Remember For Tough Times

Sometimes it's difficult to determine the difference between negativity and appropriate outrage at what is going on.  I struggle with that these days. That being said, it's helpful to review these points as a juxtaposition. I will not lose hope in what is true and just and decent.  KAS

Silence

Those who have been reduced to silence, once, know it best, 

but know also that they can hear it. 

Edmund Jabès

On that thought, I'm going to be silent.  Wishing you the same.  KAS

Compassion

Exactly!  This is not always easy.  I often want to call down the same judgment I'm prone to give others on myself.  It's a true mind shift to become my own defender.  KAS

You Owe Yourself

Forget the "make it count" stuff.  I'm weary from all the thoughts of "making it count" and being memorable and all the other pressure I feel about doing something significant.  It distracts me from actually "being" alive and relishing that physical reality.  For example, walking in the woods is an exercise in reviewing my "to do" list, rehashing incidents in the recent past, coming up with plans for the immediate future (in order to "make it count")

OR
it can be an experience of the senses...listening to the sounds of the "silent" forest; smelling the unmistakable cloud of cedar when I reach that certain juncture; noting the changes in the colors and the play of the light along the way; hearing the change in the tone of the creek; the feel of my physical body breathing and moving along; a way to actually experience and preserve the memory of being here and now as a human being alive on this planet.
Oh!  And finally, if you can pull off more than an hour, go for it!  Take as many hours as you can squeeze out of the day!   I'll stop "talking" now!  KAS

The 8 Rules

George was a wise human being.  His "rules" are challenging and I confess to breaking them more than a few times.  For example, I hate losing and I've done my share of squealing, lord knows!  KAS

The Gift Mary Oliver

How does one dare to follow Mary Oliver??  Hoping non-believers can appreciate the overall sentiment.  KAS

Rain

I'm not sure why this touched me, but it did.  The inability to differentiate grief from joy gives me pause as well as the thought of the "something other surging against my heart".  Finding the vocabulary to describe the inner workings is challenging.  There don't seem to be enough words to describe the myriad of emotions skittering around in a human heart.  Zora Neale Thurston certainly does a masterful, awe-inspiring job of it, though.   And her abilities to describe the natural world go over the top!  I just finished a reread of Their Eyes Were Watching God and it's as if there is music in her sentences.   

Thank you

And I hope to be that person for others.  And for those times I fell short of the mark, which sadly may be to those closest to me, I offer my sincerest regret and solemn intention to do better in the future.  KAS

Imagine

I know we can save our earth if we all work together.  That is where I am focusing my imagination.  Better Angels may be just the way.  They do exist among us.  KAS

Too Deep and Mysterious for Words

It seems inappropriate to put words on the page.  Writing about silence simply fills it up with something it is not.  KAS

Beyond the Edge of the World

A place where wonder and awe reside.  When you think about all we have yet to learn, it is mind-boggling and hopeful.  This is most helpful these days when doom feels imminent.  That sort of thinking is all in my head and it is not useful to me or humanity.  We put men on the moon in the sixties!  We just landed on Mars!  Surely we can save our planet now.

Just to be Alive is a Grand Thing

Even in this simple sharing, her words are masterful.  "Racked with sorrow" what a phrase!  And how inspiring to know a human being can endure such intense desolation and remember to be grateful for the gift of life.  KAS

How Important You Are

Going to be working at this for the rest of my life.  The following quote was supposed to be for today.  It felt like way more than I could manage.  I changed my mind and posted this one to carry with me instead as it's challenge enough!  KAS

A lofty thought for sure.

The Oldest You've Been and the Youngest You'll Ever Be Again

How's that for a jolt?  The youngest I'll ever be again.  Letting that sink in.  It does urge one to make the most of this one life.  Keeping calm and staying crazy sounds like an oxymoron but perhaps not.  What does calmly crazy look like?  That's what I'm going to be contemplating today as I go about enjoying every single, silly moment. 

Happy for Charming Gardeners

People who spend time close to nature carry the wisdom of the earth with them.  It's almost mystical.  KAS

That's How the Light Gets In

This is in keeping with yesterday's post.  It brings to mind Leonard Cohen's lyric from Anthem; "Forget your perfect offering.  There's a crack, a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in." It is fitting someone who is rare would have light coming in through their own unique cracks.  And it is inspiring to realize that light has the power to inspire and enliven others.  KAS

I am not Old, I am Rare

This is an exquisite piece of wisdom and one I am holding close to my heart with Thanksgiving.  KAS

I am not old…she said

I am rare.

I am the standing ovation

At the end of the play.

I am the retrospective

Of my life as art

I am the hours

Connected like dots

Into good sense

I am the fullness

Of existing.

You think I am 

waiting to die…

But I am waiting to 

be found

I am a treasure.

I am a map.

And these wrinkles are

Imprints of my journey

Ask me anything.

~ Samantha Reynolds

Terrified

If being terrified is what it takes to make great art,

there must be some amazing pieces 

coming to life in studios across the globe.

Gratefully, I have not been "terrified every minute of my life".

That could be from not paying enough attention or 

from paying too much attention and going numb.  

Who knows? Who cares?

It is what it is.

For me, the main take away is:

"never let it keep us from doing a single thing we want to do."

Namaste'

The Voice In My Head

Rather, it's a mishmash of everything and everyone I've ever encountered; an echo from my ancestors; the overheard chatter from next door; the song on the radio in the next car!  I am somewhere way below (and above and amidst and around) all that noise, in the stillness of wordlessness, the reverie of eternity.  KAS

Beyond Bad and Good

Either/or thinking is a well-worn rut in my brain.  I catch myself at it often.  A significant area of necessary practice in changing thoughts and themes which take hold when I'm unaware.  Being aware, as a witness to what is going on in the inner world is helpful.  That's where change happens. 

Do not be Daunted

Having just now read a story about the humanitarian crisis in Venezuela, not to mention Yemen and others, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, powerless and depressed.  I'm reminded of Stacy Abram's speech acknowledging the election would go to Kemp (see text below).  Her words are inspiring and help to banish some of the gloom. They also encourage me to keep doing whatever I can to work toward the values we hold dear.  

Text from Stacy Abram

"On September 18, thousands of Georgians began casting absentee ballots, determined to lift their voices in the democratic process of electing our leaders for the next two years, the next four years. A few weeks later, more than two million Georgians declared their choices, heading to polling places for early votes. Then, on November 6, more than a million folks arrived in precincts around our beloved state – anxious and excited to express their patriotism through the basic, fundamental act of voting. 

For these millions of Georgians, the act may have proven tedious and hard, but they had no doubts their votes would be counted. Certainly, there would be long lines and delays. Absolutely, a tired volunteer would mistype a name. And Nature would not be ignored – through rain or tornado warning or chilly weather.

We all understand challenges and complications; however, this year, more than two hundred years into Georgia’s democratic experiment, the state failed its voters. You see, despite a record high population in Georgia, more than a million citizens found their names stripped from the rolls by the Secretary of State, including a 92 year-old civil rights activist who had cast her ballot in the same neighborhood since 1968. Tens of thousands hung in limbo, rejected due to human error and a system of suppression that had already proven its bias. The remedy, they were told, was simply to show up – only they, like thousands of others, found polling places shut down, understaffed, ill-equipped or simply unable to serve its basic function for lack of a power cord. 

Students drove hours to hometowns to cast votes because mismanagement prevented absentee ballots from arriving on time. Parents stood in the fitful rain in four-hour lines, watching as less fortunate voters had to abandon democracy in favor of keeping their jobs. Eligible voters were refused ballots because poll workers thought they didn’t have enough paper to go around. Ballots were rejected by the handwriting police. Georgia citizens tried to exercise their constitutional rights and were still denied the ability to elect their leaders. Under the watch of the now former Secretary of State, democracy failed Georgians of every political party, every race, every region. Again.

The incompetence and mismanagement we witnessed in this election had been on display months before—in the Republican state legislative primary of Dan Gasaway. Counties, under the direction of the Secretary of State, issued flawed ballots – and not for the first time and not just there. But this time, the mistakes clearly altered the outcome. Rep. Gasaway, a Republican in a heavily Republican district, had to go to court to force a fair fight. Therefore, on December 4, tucked between run-offs for Secretary of State and the Public Service Commission, for one community, there will be justice in the process. Win or lose, the people in his district will finally have a say.

Many of the same Republicans who cheered on Rep. Gasaway have grumbled about the time we have taken to gain a remedy for fellow Georgians who faced a dizzying array of bad action, misinformation and gut-wrenching hardship.

But we are a mighty nation because we embedded in our national experiment the chance to fix what is broken. To call out what has faltered. To demand fairness wherever it can be found. Which is why on Election Night, I declared that our fight to count every vote is not about me. It is about us. It’s about the democracy we share and our responsibility to preserve our way of life. Our democracy – because voting is a right and not a privilege.

I stand here today as witness to that truth. This election is about all of us – as is the resolution of this moment.

I acknowledge that former Secretary of State Brian Kemp will be certified as the victor in the 2018 gubernatorial election.

But to watch an elected official – who claims to represent the people of this state, baldly pin his hopes for election on the suppression of the people’s democratic right to vote – has been truly appalling. So, to be clear, this is not a speech of concession.

Concession means to acknowledge an action is right, true or proper. As a woman of conscience and faith, I cannot concede. But my assessment is that the law currently allows no further viable remedy.

Now, I could certainly bring a new case to keep this one contest alive, but I don’t want to hold public office if I need to scheme my way into the post. Because the title of Governor isn’t nearly as important as our shared title. Voters. 

And this is why we fight on and why I want to say thank you. Thank you for organizing your communities and shattering records – more than 1.9 million voters who stood up for protecting our public schools, continued criminal justice reform, Medicaid expansion and real economic mobility for all of our counties. We won state House races and Senate races, a new seat in Congress and put America on notice that change is not coming – it has arrived. And you made it so.

But those who fear change pushed back, and so we waited for the whole truth of this election – good and evil - to come forth. So thank you for sharing your stories, for the tens of thousands of calls into our voter protection line. Thank you for volunteering your hours after the polls closed and for the past ten days. For driving to all 159 counties and for hearing the concerns of Georgia citizens, through tears and frustration and disappointment.

Because Georgia still has a decision to make about who will we be in the next election. And the one after that. And the one after that. So we have used this election and its aftermath to diagnose what has been broken in our process:

Make no mistake, the former Secretary of State was deliberate and intentional in his actions. I know that eight years of systemic disenfranchisement, disinvestment and incompetence had its desired effect on the electoral process in Georgia.

I also know that we live in a nation where four federal judges were necessary to force the counting of more ballots cast, in the face of Brian Kemp’s opposition and disregard to their lawful consideration.

I know that millions of Georgians, of Americans - of goodwill and various partisan beliefs - are enraged by these truths. In response, you may seek to vent your anger, or worse, turn away from politics because it can be as rigged and rotten as you’ve always believed.

I implore each of you to not give in to that anger or apathy but instead turn to action. Because the antidote to injustice is progress. The cure to this malpractice is a fight for fairness in every election held – in every law passed – in every decision made.

Pundits and hyper-partisans will hear my words as a rejection of the normal order. I’m supposed to say nice things and accept my fate. They will complain that I should not use this moment to recap what was done wrong or to demand a remedy. As a leader, I should be stoic in my outrage and silent in my rebuke.

But stoicism is a luxury and silence is a weapon for those who would quiet the voices of the people, and I will not concede because the erosion of our democracy is not right.

Regardless of party, we want what is best for our children, for our families, for our neighborhoods. We may not share the same faith, but we are knitted together by our belief in our potential for more. I will work in these coming weeks to elect John Barrow as our next Secretary of State – a man of principle and goodwill who will administer his responsibilities for the people – not his party. I will work to elect Lindy Miller as our next Public Service Commissioner, where she will speak for those who have been ignored for too long.

And I will pray for the success of Brian Kemp, that he will indeed be a leader for all Georgians. That he will pledge to fight for the rights of those who disagree with him – and keep his promises. That he will refuse the call of those who see how close this election was. Because we know that some propose to make voting even harder. They see voter engagement in communities of color and cry fraud or lie about the cost of democracy to justify closing more polling places. I pray he will reject this vicious and tired response - in favor of preserving what is left of our state’s reputation for equality and civil rights.

But I will not leave it to prayers alone. As I have for more than twenty years, I will stand with my fellow Georgians in pursuit of fairness. I did so as a college student speaking in the shadow of Lincoln and King at the 30th anniversary of the March on Washington. I did so as the Democratic Leader of the House and as the Democratic nominee for Governor of Georgia. And I will do so as a private citizen, ready to continue to defend those whose choices were denied their full expression.

Today, I announce the launch of Fair Fight Georgia, an operation that will pursue accountability in Georgia’s elections and integrity in the process of maintaining our voting rolls. In the coming days, we will be filing a major federal lawsuit against the state of Georgia for the gross mismanagement of this election and to protect future elections from unconstitutional actions.

We will channel the work of the past several weeks into a strong legal demand for reform of our elections system in Georgia. And I will not waver in my commitment to work across party lines and across divisions to find a common purpose in protecting our democracy. For a state that elects Democrats and Republicans and Independents. That elects leaders who will not tolerate an erosion of our values.

Fair Fight Georgia. Because these votes are our voices. We are each entitled to our choices. And we have always, Georgia, been at the forefront of speaking truth to whatever power may lay claim to leadership – if only for the moment. We will win because we are Georgia.

And we will get it done."

What If Our Religion Was Each Other

These thoughts need to become embedded in my existence.  I believe love is already the center but often buried so deeply it's difficult to discern.  Thanks to Ganga White for putting this so beautifully.  

Holding Yourself Together

 I'm often so caught up in my own drama and insecurity and confusion I lose sight of the fact someone else has their own challenges to contend with.  Upon remembering, I'm faced with the next phase of this thought process which is comparing difficulties.  "How can I be complaining when another has so much more to contend with?"  That sort of self-talk is best banished.  Seems much more helpful to recognize we are all in this together doing the very best we can.  Let's support each other and ourselves on this journey of humanity.

Let Love Be Messy

Messy is difficult to tolerate; right along with unexpected events which require kindness and patience and grace.  When you're armored up and prepared to defend, messy love may not be detectable.  Rather, weapons come out and things get tense and ugly.  How to turn those highly defended moments into messy love?  There is the question of the day.  I suppose the first thing is to pause and breathe.  Deep down beneath the armor and walls lies the truth of who I am...right in the center of the mess.  Sigh.  Much practice is necessary to befriend messy! 

Guard the Civil Rights and Civil Liberties of ALL Citizens

We are strong enough to hold true to our values and to work for what is right and just and decent in our society.  The powers opposed to the dignity and value of all may be mighty but it will not defeat us.  Truth endures.  Onward!  KAS

Everyone is Doing Their Best

My immediate response to this is that when their best is causing harm and they're using their life circumstances to abuse the power they possess over other's, we have a problem.  In that situation, the kindest, most respectful thing to do is to remove them from the position in order to minimize the damage.