Being Who You Are Will Kill You

This set me back a bit when I first saw it.  

Being who I am, I took it metaphorically. 

The thought of being "born again" (not killed) 

is a significant spiritual concept in my life.

However, tragically, it occurs to me now,

this isn't a metaphor 

to my sisters and brothers of color.  

Being themselves is so often fraught 

with actual, real life, physical danger/death;

not to mention injustice and prejudice

as killers of a person's self identity.

All in ways I know nothing about first hand.

That realization REALLY sets me back.

kastilwell

  

 

Surrendering to Uncertainty

 May I find the courage to carve my path step by step.  

Even though it seems so awfully slow going.

 I'm not getting younger. Time is running out.

(Are those the "frantic voices"?)

May I trust "truth will find the way to speak"

in my native dialect.

May I trust truth has already spoken

leading me to who I am and where I am

here, right now, in this very moment.

May I remember to pause

to breathe deeply

to feel the storm 

or the desert

or the iceberg.

May I have the courage to surrender myself

in the midst of this painful uncertainty

to this "gentle current of life".

Even when the gentle current 

feels like a tidal wave.

kastilwell

Trying

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 "Showing up now".  

In instances where my "showing up" has been tenuous;

this serves as encouragement and motivation.

Without shame.  Trying.

(I can remember being chastised for "trying" and not "doing".

Some male supervisor or employer.  Perhaps even my father.)

I am claiming it anyway.  

Trying indicates perseverance and tenacity.

May I muster forgiveness for whoever shamed me for "trying".

Let's go..."settle into our imperfect self and skin!"

kastilwell

In Need of Refuge

 After reading Heather Cox Richardson's post this morning, 

Katherine North's weekly missive from Saturday seems pertinent.

 (The quote above is only an excerpt.)

I keep looking for ways I can help promote

decency, true justice and fairness in the greater world.

To fight against tyranny in any way I can.

Can devoting myself to the principles 

I believe in, here in my tiny

 (in the big picture) everyday life 

have any impact in the struggle? 

That's the question I sit with today.

May I trust in the invisible forces

to guide me.

kastilwell

 

Doesn't Have To Be Difficult

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 

Today's "Pink" full moon is the first blue moon of 2021.  

"Everything is interrelated".

I love the image of "a giant, breathing quilt".

As I continue to entertain the inner conflicts

stewing around inside for decades,

this quote gives me comfort and hope.

I continue to be awed and grateful for 

the voices of poets and thinkers

who provide support and companionship

on this astonishing adventure of life.

kastilwell

Giving Ourselves What We Need

 It's sobering to realize just how deeply embedded

the habit of looking for what I need outside of myself is.

It's going to take time and attention 

to unravel the tangled and knotted up

ball of programming I carry with me.

There are days I swear I can't even find my heart,

much less feel what's happening inside it.

My mind has been running things for so long.

It seems a more than worthwhile mission.

Bringing more love into this broken and hurting world.

Starting right here, right now.

I have the power.

With the one and only heart I can change.

My own. 

kastilwell

 

To Be A Careful Witness

 I often feel as though everyone I know has already "gotten" this.

Like I'm the only one on earth who needs to hear it.  

(except for "those" hate filled humans on the "other" side; 

they are the ones who need to hear it most! wink wink)

I confess, judgment is well programmed 

and automatic in my inner psyche.

Harsh or dismissive judgment is

such a quick and easy way to

keep on moving along

my own self righteous path 

to what's "really" important.

When I do happen to catch myself,

it shocks and shames me.

Sarah Blondin's book Heart Minded

has been highly beneficial in this regard.

The trick is to muster compassion

and even love for myself 

in the thick of my shock and shame.

I'm grateful for encountering her. 

kastilwell

It Takes a Powerful, Fearless Person

 I don't know about you, 

but the idea of being true to my feelings

and owning my emotional territory 

with all its messy and embarrassing chaos

was NOT something even considered, 

much less taught when I was growing up.

How deeply inscribed is the programming

where true feelings are forbidden

and we are taught

to act according to some unwritten

laws of conduct prescribed by

some faceless, nameless entity

(I'm not naming any names)

who deems some behavior

acceptable and some not?

Its encouraging to see 

our knowledge growing and expanding.

Its encouraging to witness

younger generations being taught differently.

Or learning it on their own.

It's inspiring when people break out of the boxes

holding them tightly in a place that isn't true.

May we all find our way to and through

our own messy, chaotic, 

thoroughly beautiful truth.

And come out shining.

kastilwell

Come To The Woods

 Earth Day 2021 seems like an appropriate day to post this lovely quote.

(May the work to heal and live sustainably

on this planet expand and grow exponentially.)

May the following of our inner streams

form an ocean of fierce and gentle justice.

Where all beings are valued, respected and treated honorably.

Where fear is vanquished and hope is the focus.

Let. It. Be.

kastilwell

Here And Now Exactly Enough

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

This can be challenging in the odd moments when all is quiet

and I'm not exactly sure what to do with myself.

(Note the verb "do".)

We are so well trained on doing,

we often miss what it means to be.

To simply be alive...

breathing,

seeing,

hearing,

feeling.

In the here;

and now.

I regularly have to challenge myself on this.

I find its not for sissies.  

I've found myself welcoming

the task of folding laundry

as protection against the sheer majesty 

of being alive. 

Full stop. 

kastilwell

 

Power in Subtleties

 I'm thinking there is a fine line here.

Not talking can lead to the land of numb.

Sometimes, its beneficial to hear yourself

speak of things you're working through.

Not to just anyone, of course.

Choose your audience wisely.

Perhaps your mirror is best?

That being said, (how ironic)

I wholeheartedly agree,

radiance is its own power.

Fierce and gentle simultaneously.

kastilwell

More To Come

1000 stories yet to come...that's an uplifting thought 

for someone who feels on the down slope of life?  

Why?  Why do I feel that?  

Is the story over because life is quiet?

Is the story over when the days seem blessedly routine?

I'm contemplating my "more to come."

May it come gently, even with tenderness.

May I appreciate the drama in the dailies.

The growth occurring in unseen regions.

May I continue to grow up.

Open myself to myself

for clues and guidance 

on the story of now.

Try something new.

Revisit something "old".

Seek out my version

of beauty.

Live gratefully 

in the Land of Plenty.

kastilwell

The Moon Swells and Time Slows

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

Talking about love is overdone.

I'm coming to realize its better 

to simply feel for it.

Even when its deeply buried

behind alternate views

and despicable behavior.

Sometimes I find it

under my mistaken assumptions

or lightening fast judgements

made in the nanosecond 

before I see it coming.

I'm slowly learning to pause

and check those quick quirks,

those habitual thought patterns,

and automatic responses

laid down by ancient beliefs

and modern day conditioning.

(Some might call it brainwashing.)

I want to see where I'm using

short cuts of bias, labeling

and categorizing.

That's how I'm feeling for the love.

kastilwell

 

Important Realizations Come Gently

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 

It pays to quiet yourself enough to hear these gentle discoveries. 

They can so easily be suffocated by the cacophony 

of the outer world as well as from the inner din of programmed voices.

"You're ok just as you are right now."

"Go ahead and feel where it hurts.  You won't disappear."

"It's ok, even rejuvenating, to weep uncontrollably." 

"Take care of your heart like you take care of your hair and skin."

"Some things are super heavy and extremely difficult.  You can do it.  

One breath, one thought, one feel at a time."

"If you look for joy, you will find it.  

If you look for sorrow, you will find that, too.

Stir them together often as 

great sorrow and exquisite joy travel together."

An assortment of whispers from my quiet place.

New to me as I wrote this.

kastilwell

Not Always A World For Hearts

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 How do we make this a world for hearts?

What if it WAS a world for hearts?

Think what a difference it would make.

Money is currently heartless currency.

But it doesn't have to be.

Think what could happen if our hearts

had the power of the lifeless dollar?

What if the power is already here?

What if we can access it?

What if it means letting go of

armor and defense...

tenderly...gently...forgivingly...

toward ourselves first

where it ripples outward

toward others?

Think about it.

What would your world look like

if your heart was leading the way?

(Thoughts matter.)

kastilwell

Enchanting Empathy

 What is more valuable than your own empathy?

(Unless you're a narcissist or a psychopath.  That's complicated.)

It's a rare commodity in the world I inhabit.

To discover it when I'm at my lowest...

depressed and weighed down,

drowning in loneliness or treading in despair,

It's priceless and available

with the right thoughts, gentle attention, 

and tenderness in my heart. 

While often just behind hard emotions

like anger, pain and/or grief,

it's worth every bit of effort,

to catch even the tiniest glimmer.

Reach for it...sink into it...surrender.

We are worthy.

kastilwell

Or Maybe You Shouldn't

I feel fortunate to encounter those humans whose words move me.

Those who craft marks on the page, (or the screen)

and propel them from invisible to visible...

They convey their unique presence

into the ether 

with or without intention,

being who they are,

expressing themselves

with their fingers on the keyboard

(or the pen).

Their presence lands on us

through grace (or skillful marketing)

 connection happens, energy flows.

A thought reaches outward, 

takes on life of its own.

Isn't it remarkable? 

kastilwell

 

Trust the Water

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

How would life be changed

without constant evaluating and critiquing;

comparing and contrasting?

To be so daring as to relax and float?

Trusting the water, trusting the tides,

trusting the doors whether closed or open?

Living out the quiet glow of what you love?

kastilwell

 

Getting Older or Growing Up?

These words made me take a very long pause.

They made me ask myself if I am growing up.

They made me ask myself if I've taken responsibility 

for the "time I take up" and the "space I occupy".

It raises tension within me as I feel the oh so familiar tug

of the "you're not good enough" refrain.

Who defines what it means to grow up?

Whose call is that to make?

That's where digging down into my own

wilderness and writing my own definition

of growing up comes into play.  

kastilwell

 

Going Gently

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 Flower buds open silently,

leaves burst forth without a sound.

Giant roots form in quiet time.

Grass offers itself up wordlessly.

Wondrous things happening

without a whisper of announcement.

No expectations.

Few followers.

No fanfare.

kastilwell

To Live The Earth As Poetry

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

What a quietly splendid thought!  

I'm grateful to have encountered it 

as it confirms something heartfelt inside

which I hadn't assigned words to.  

"To know the earth as poetry."

Wisdom indeed.

kastilwell

Where is Your Wilderness?

 Are you encountering your own particular wilderness?  

If so, may you discover whatever you need to find your way.

I raise a glass to you and your wilderness.

kastilwell

The Rock, the River, the Tree, your country

I was searching for this quote:  

"I am that Tree planted by the River, Which will not be moved" 

 when I ran across more of the poem by Maya Angelou, 

"The Pulse of the Morning".

I was moved by this excerpt as it encourages new beginnings...

the lines, "do not be wedded to fear or 

yoked eternally to brutishness" seem especially pertinent.

kastilwell

 

At Home In Our Bodies

 May we all feel this love, like the sun, affirming our value,

our potential and our light.

May we feel it and pass it on to our children

and all those around us.

Welcome home!

kastilwell

Truth

It seems we benefit

by seeking out,

owning,

and living our truth,

as best we can.

Making mistakes,

learning from them

and beginning again.

It’s a lifetime’s vocation.

May you find your truth.

kastilwell

Reawakening

 Celebrating this day of rebirth, 

this day of reawakening,

this day of new beginnings.

No matter our age, 

we can start fresh,

fine tune and recalibrate.

We can rise.

In spirit if not in body.

May our hearts break open in wonder.

kastilwell

Stick Around

Powered by failure!  What a novel and inspiring idea.  

It motivates me to step up and risk failing.  

Or step inside and confront awkwardness and discomfort.

What's to lose?  I'll stick around.

I'll still be here, living and breathing 

after any setback or stumble. 

Right up to the moment of disappearance.  

kastilwell

Letting Go of Comparison

 Yesterday, I caught myself saying someone in our family 

had a “better” relationship with my mom than I did.

When I “heard” myself say that, I was taken aback.

“Why is it better?  Isn’t it simply different?

The fact is, I have a wonderful relationship with my mom.”

The comparison disease is obviously 

alive and well in my inner world.  

I’m grateful to have been given the insight.

Constantly comparing myself to others 

drains the vital out of life.

Being different with style is much more fun.

So is celebrating our differences.

kastilwell

You Are Built of Truth