What Happens If Joy

"what if joy is what emerges from how we care for each other

through pain, suffering and sorrow?"

As much as I want to embrace this wholeheartedly,

I find myself with some questions.

Some of us are born into roles of caretaking others.

How do we care for ourselves in the midst 

of our own pain, suffering and sorrow?

How many of us withdraw or numb down

so as not to inflict our burdens unto others?

How many of us spend our time attending to,

trying to anyway, the pain, suffering and sorrow

of others at the expense of our own wellbeing? 

In my experience, it can be overwhelming.

The thought of joy emerging from caring for others is enticing

yet I feel a sense of caution 

being exquisitely familiar with the influence of guilt;

and my experience of  how the easily

the scale can get tipped off balance. 

I can't help but wonder if this is a gender role issue 

yet I know guilt does not differentiate.

It seems to me an extremely mindful practice is needed

to navigate this territory at the borders of our own wellbeing

and the wellbeing of those within our orbit.

I love the idea of this and marvel at those

who are able to care for others with grace and generosity.

I deeply appreciate their presence among us.

Namaste'

What Do You Love?

"We are all commonly tender."

It's my opinion that naming what you love is

more difficult for men/boys as, until recently, many have

been programmed by society NOT to show tenderness.

What do you love?

I notice he doesn't ask who.

There's a significant difference. 

My list of who I love is long, rich and delicious.

What I love is the rush I get learning something new.

Especially something new AND useful.

Immediately useful is top notch.

This might be a companion practice

to listing gratitudes. 

They're the same, don't you think?

Namaste'

 

The Luminous, Mycelial Tethers Between Us,

Each time I read this, it sinks down deeper...

reaching tiny tentacles into my tissue,

burrowing its way into every cell, every molecule, every atom.

It took some time to absorb this phrase:

"the holding through the grief joy is"

I couldn't wrap my head around "the grief joy is".

It finally settled into the stark

and I do mean stark, reality of grief.

 I am finally able to grasp joy holding us through grief.

The joy in the outpouring of love from those around us

when we are shredded by the tragedy of loss;

"The luminous, mycelial tethers between us", 

joy in the recognition of the love at the core of our grief,

weaving and wending its way through our landscape,

connecting us with total strangers in our common humanity.

Joy holds us as our Earth holds us...

in the midst of all that is wrong,

at the heart of all we cherish,

at the center of our sorrow,

holding us through our grief.

We belong to each other...

we are in this together.

Namaste'

 

The Final Definition of Fix

Greetings on the day of the April 2024 Full Moon.

"Isn't the point of beautiful art...a person...a life... that

it is unfixable and unfixing? And that it unmoors us,

calls into question what we thought we knew 

and  who we thought we were?"

I never thought of beautiful art in these terms.

These words cause shivers inside my bones.

"art asks more that we could ever answer"

Long ago I was introduced to the phrase,

"learning to live with the questions".

It is attributed to Rilke although it came

to me via a spiritual director in one of my former lives.

I've carried it with me ever since.

Now, Ross Gay has thrown it wide open 

by connecting it to the process of making art,

by learning about myself by living my life.

It empties me out....turns me into nothing...

the nothing that is everything.

Namaste'

 

Art As Something You Wonder About

I'm "delighted" by so much of what 

Ross Gay has to say in this book.

For someone rather set in her ways,

his words open doors and windows

I didn't realize existed.

I feel myself being beckoned

into unknown territory while

being reassured that I've been

heading there all along...

That those stuck places

aren't really stuck...

those apparent dead ends still breathe;

they're in the process

of growing and ripening 

and dare I say 

aging.

What they need is

belief in their value and tender attention.

Namaste'

 

Each Word Is A Portable Cathedral

"in the roots of words, we find a portal to the mycelial web 

of invisible connections undergirding our emotional lives."

Her ability to craft and weave together sentences is

a wonderment to me.  It intrigues me to consider word origins

as a doorway to a "mycelial web of invisible connections".

May they also be a guidepost to new and better ways

to use words in the service of 

decency, honesty, integrity, goodness, and real justice.

Namaste'

 

Because We Know Their Power

"We ask of words to hold what we cannot hold."

How many times do words fail us against the ineffable reality

we are experiencing in any given moment?

We certainly give it a valiant effort, yet its destiny is to fall short.

This happened just yesterday in trying to convey 

caring and compassion and concern for a friend.

I often wonder if it's best to simply send invisible, silent 

waves of love and not attempt any words at all.

Especially when you're in a situation 

where you can't be there in person.

And they're engaged in one of those 

too-big-for-words complications.

However words are what we have, 

regardless of how incomplete and incompetent.

They are part of the intricate, amazing profusion of energies

we call life...sit for a moment and ponder the miraculous,

enchanting, astonishing, breathtaking and breath making

wonder that four letter word points toward!

Namaste'

 

Words Are Events

In a scene from Franklin, where his printing press 

has been destroyed, and he's picking up the letter tiles

from the floor, he fervently implores his grandson, "do you know what these are?"

"They are power!" 

I've been harboring it when I came across today's quote. 

"They feed energy, understanding and emotion back and forth and amplify it."

We are witnessing this is stark terms these days, are we not?

False words feeding and amplifying power, or so it appears on the surface, right?

Here are my questions.

What words of dignity, fairness, and equality 

do we use to counter and squelch false yet power-filled words?

Are true words feeding 

energy, understanding and emotion 

AND AMPLIFYING THEM in equal or greater measure?

Is a heartfelt and holy silence a counter revolution

that could invalidate the false words and formally put an end to them?

Am I longing for a fantasy world that isn't likely in a landscape including humans?

Isn't it ironic that the fear of being ruled by a mob is creating a mob?

Isn't it ironic that the behavior leading to this belief, ie: rioting, looting, street violence;

which is born from centuries of "put-down" ...something those perpetrating the Big Lie

are now getting a taste of ... are responding to in an identical manner, ie: rioting, looting

and street violence, ie: January 6?

May TRUE words triumph over falsehoods.

Namaste'

 

Never Quit Sounds Great

Here's something comical...

I shared a post by Michell Clark

earlier in the year...

"Be the person who still tries. After failure, after frustration, 

after disappointment, after exhaustion, after heartache,

 be the person who musters up the courage to believe 

that a new attempt can manifest a new outcome. 

Be the person who still tries.”

Isn't this rich?  Pretty much the polar opposite advice!

I love the irony of it.  

There are times when keeping at it fits

and times when quitting is the best option.

The choice is ours. 

May we choose wisely in the present moment;

open ourselves to a full range of possibilities;

and allow ourselves the permission to change course

if the situation warrants it.

Namaste'

 

Science Has Taught Me

To "derive happiness from discovery".

Perhaps in addition to noting delights,

noting discoveries would be an intriguing exercise.

It's a counter balance to the repeating pattern of the familiar.

Some added spice to the old family recipe. 

"Carefully writing everything down"?

While I know this would be grand,

success doing so has eluded me.

I wonder if writing it on my heart

and etching it into my memory 

would suffice?

It just now occurred to me that 

if memory fails, 

 what did manage to get written down

would be a discovery to add to the delights.

Reading old journals would become both discovery and delight.

Namaste'

 

The Lives of Fungi

I feel as though I'm being led this morning.

First it was this image by Angela Faye Martin.

Thanks Angela!  I love this.

Then this quote which has been in my pending pile for a while.

Which led to today's thought which mesmerizes me.

Sheldrake's illustrated book is now on hold at the library.

Searching for a proper photo to use as a backdrop

 lead me to this quote:

"Fungi are the latest addition to human menagerie,

 joining bacteria and viruses in forming the teeming, 

biological kingdom-spanning superorganisms of our bodies." Brandon Keim

It's always a rush for me when various threads weave together in this way.

They tendril their way through space and time 

in an apparently random, disparate, disconnected manner;

 (Sheldrakes book came out in 2020, 

Angela visited Hambidge in March, I saw the photo this morning

Keim's quote was written way back in 2012!)

to end up in my landscape in what seems like a 

perfectly orchestrated, coherent manner.

I'm enchanted by the idea of being 

"jolted out of well worn patterns of thought" 

and being "led into new ways of thinking".

I hope you can follow my thread of thought!

Namaste'

 

I've Been Absolutely

 If being terrified is what it takes to make great art,

there must be some amazing pieces  

coming to life in studios across the globe.

Gratefully, I have not been "terrified every minute of my life".

That could be from not paying enough attention or 

from paying too much attention and going numb.  

Who knows? Who cares?

It is what it is.

For me, the main take away is:

"never let it keep us from doing a single thing we want to do."

Namaste'

Be A Weed

Finished a book (Half Built Garden) 

where the Dandelion Network forms

a Watershed Consortium and

saves the earth from extinction.

So I'm posting this in hope of making an imaginary tale a reality.

Namaste'

 

Approach Ourselves With Compassionate Understanding

The truth of this keeps spiraling around and around.

How many of us genuinely enjoy our own company?

 Can we do so in the solitary dark of a sleepless night?

For me, that is where it requires the most robust concentration.

After all these years, I hope I'm making progress.

I intended to share this quote today:

"Remember, remember, this is now and now and now.

Live it, feel it, cling to it.  I want to become acutely aware

of all I've taken for granted." Sylvia Plath

However, the irony of those words being spoken by someone

who took her own life confounded me.

How I wish she could have learned to 

"live with her original beauty".

It's a hefty reminder to cuddle close 

in those dreary moments when we're "mired in self doubt."

Namaste'

 

 

The Reason We Gather For The Solar Eclipse

 

I pay more attention to eclipses since 2017 

when we experienced a total solar eclipse right here.

It was an enchanting delight.

Am I the only one who didn't know they always occur 

at a new moon and are followed by a lunar eclipse 

about two weeks later at the full moon?

It's the geometry of the planetary movements, so of course.

It's fun and mildly embarrassing to learn new things at my age.

I'm reminded of this quote by Angela Faye Martin:

"Was this a signal to humanity to observe that balance is possible and that 

even a (relatively) small, white orb can blot out a powerful giant 

punctuated by the visual silence of a dark new moon? 

I also think of the respite that new moons afford wildlife; 

less predation + less crazy, in general. 

"Take notice of the little things," the moon seemed to be saying. 

Give shelter, if you're a mighty moon.Any effort is momentous."

Namaste

Each Of Us Is Several

Rosemerry's poem "Making Peace With My Inner Fire Fighter"

came to mind when this quote I'd tucked away awhile back 

circled around to my attention.

I'm more and more curious to identify all these various

creature selves living within the terrain of my psyche.

It makes me realize, with chagrin, how much time I spend focusing on 

what's going on outside of me...or on my screen.  

Way, way back, I remember reading about Hokemah's table

where one is invited to gather her inner family

and seat them around the table of her imagination. 

I got as far as envisioning the table, 

the room it was sitting in, and the door.

Perhaps this is a nudge to spend some time

with those who are milling around waiting to be seated?

I'm betting one of them is related to Rosemerry's firefighter!!

Namaste'

 

No More Apologies

There are times I have wondered about my heart

due to my strong avoidance of difficult feelings.

It's made me wonder if it was made of cement.

However, I know with every centimeter of 

my cement heart, that my humanity is intact.

There needs to be a word for the mixture of

helplessness and fierce rage felt simultaneously.

It may look like detachment from the outside.

Inside its a molten vat of lava.  

I say "no more apologies, for being who we are."

No atonement is required for that.

Unless we are the one requiring it from ourself.

As I say those words, a thought comes to my mind.

What about those I believe need to be making enormous apologies

(and amends) to man and womankind and our Earth?

How to reconcile** the wrongs being perpetrated

on innocent beings today, not to mention across history?

Sitting with this is a puzzlement, an enigma, a conundrum.

** There needs to be another better word than reconcile which means to "make peace with" or "adjust". I don't want to do either. Alternate words like grapple and wrestle sound too war like to me.  

We need a word for fierce (and productive) dissent; and another for relentless (and effective) resistance.  

Namaste'

 

Bats Can Hear Shapes

Isn't this lovely?

If we look to the natural world

we will find a way to fix this mess.

Talk about feeling 

"heavy and weightless with the absurd

beauty of it all."

Namaste'

 

The Work of a Mature Person

 

To grow spacious enough to carry

both deep sorrow and exquisite joy.

As time moves forward and mine

grows shorter here on this earth,

gathering every gratitude becomes 

a key ingredient to this spaciousness.

My wish is to find my own version of maturity

in the space between cynicism and pollyanna;

between despair and indifference where

 deep grief is felt as keenly as delight.

And compassion knits everything together.

Namaste'

 

It's The Job Of A Lifetime

Isn't this the truth?

What's especially interesting is 

identifying whose voice the echo belongs to.

And what mood they were in when they were speaking.

I seem to have an entire choir...with many, many male vocals...

or maybe its only my father singing in harmony with himself?

(He was almost always parroting churchy utterances.)

What a delight to discern your own true voice...

maybe humming quietly from a secret place,

hidden down deep in the delicious darkness

or shouting loudly in a solitary spot

where no one but you can hear.

Or maybe it's "heard"

through the people you care for,

by the works you perform,

 the images you make,

the gardens you tend,

 the meals you create,

 how you express your loves.

I know its magnificent

whenever or wherever you find it.

Namaste'

NOTE: If you'd like to be on the email list for Thoughts Matter/5 days per week, DM me

(graceplays at gmail dot com)

 

The Delight of Record

It's easy to underestimate the power

of  even the tiniest of delights,

even more so, actually noting them.

Yet they are somewhat magical 

in the way they continue to press into us

for our attention.

They're similar to gratitudes but 

more beguiling due to the

way they are apt to appear

where you wouldn't expect them.

Tiny habits are useful.

They rewire our grid.

I believe tiny delights 

also enliven our chemistry

and alter our inner pathways. 

They add a sense of fun;

a sense of surprise,

pleasure,

enchantment,

playfulness,

contentment...

this list could go on!

May your day be full of delights.

Namaste'

 

Bad French Fries Do Not Negate

It took me more than one reading

for the power of this to take hold.

"I do not think of this as looking on the bright side.

I think of it as looking at everything."

I don't know why it's always such a surprise

when I start stacking up my pleasure coins;

counting my blessings is another way to say it,

or noting all I'm thankful for,

how quickly they add up and start to topple over.

Try it sometime...

start with your breath...

and all the intricate things your body is capable of.

Then move on to the natural world around you...

mundane things like the sky 

and the ground beneath your feet,

and everything growing there...

mostly on its own...

not to mention birds and bees.

Mundane?

See what I mean?

It's a feast of plenty.

Look At Everything.

Namaste'

 

And Still, After All This Time

 I searched for what Earth gives the Sun.

Did not find an adequate answer.

Interesting. 

If the sun operated out of  transactional thinking,

we'd have been incinerated long ago.

Instead we are freely bestowed with

an inhabitable atmosphere...life itself.

Seems like such warmth and generosity

should instill us with similar qualities.

My gratitude litany keeps on getting longer 

the more I pay attention.

Namaste'

We Don't Live In A Terrible World

"every time awful things happen 

the good in humans reveals itself 

in new, surprising, breathtaking ways."

I'm holding this thought tightly to my heart.

Counting on it to be true as we witness

 AWFUL things happening in our world.

Each one of us plays our role in manifesting this good.

Together we turn the tides toward justice and equality.

We overcome the treachery.

We reject wrong doing.  

We continually and consistently, 

step by steady step, 

advance dignity and decency

for every being.

We are a murmuration of grace...

Fierce, unstoppable magnificent grace.

Namaste'

 

The Older I Get

 

Is it my age that gives me a slight cringing at the f word?

Which is ironic given how often I use it myself.

It's saying it in writing and sharing it that gives me pause.

I'm getting past it because the message is pertinent. 

"What they have actually become is knowledgeable and powerful"...

 I am furious at the deception being conducted right before our eyes.

I'm furious at the wickedly clever way its being orchestrated.

I'm heartbroken over those decent people being deceived and misled.

I'm heartbroken over those who have given up paying attention.

I'm frustrated the pushback isn't more vigorous.

I'm frustrated it seems to be all about money and not about spirit and connection.

However

Our recent local elections have given me a thread of hope.

The incredible celebration I witnessed this weekend

at the unveiling of Sowing the Seeds of the Future sculpture

here in our small town added more threads to my tapestry of hope.

I continue to believe in the river of goodness;

flowing quietly and tenaciously.

We will persist...we will pushback...we will speak out.

We will not give up.

Namaste'

This And More

Isn't this a luscious word picture of our world?

"a mosaic of temperature shifts on a python's snout"? 

What a delicious way to put it.

It reminds me of a mosaic I saw at The Bascom yesterday.

Untold Self - Narmeen Asif 

A tiny thread of connection linked by a word.

It is everything about the meaning we compose

from the bountiful and beautiful, tiny details of our life.

Namaste'

 

Finding Pleasure

I had to slow way down to take this in.

I'm still in the process of doing so.

Inviting the part of me who's focusing on

what's currently wrong or

bracing myself for the next bad thing

to stand down and relax into something different.

Reality can involve physical ailments and pains, 

scary diagnoses of loved ones,

 things that have to get done, etc.  

See how skillfully I can list the disagreeable items?

I have to concentrate on changing the lens,

and moving to another spot to make the shift.

Like literally blazing a new trail.

From this unfamiliar place of noticing pleasure,

I recognize how well my fingers are working,

appreciate the reality of existing here, now

where I can exercise all my senses,

rejoicing in the existence of friends and loved ones,

watching night turn into day,

feeling  the comfort of my home,

noticing the sights and sounds of spring...

You get my meaning.

It's an adjustment.

The disagreeable things remain.

They are not gone but they are diluted.

It's kind of like the pleasant things

sit down right next to them,

put their arm around them and whisper,

"we've got this."

You are not alone.

Namaste'