You Are Arriving

 

Even when there are more years behind you than ahead, this is true.  

You are arriving. 

There is much comfort and hope in this thought. 

May you remember this until you become invisible.

kastilwell 

Open To Every Moment

 How guarded is your heart?  

I know mine has steely eyed bouncers

standing tall and strong

vigilant and poised

ready to defend the slightest disruption;

keeping everything "safe" and "correct".

Gearing up for battle 

at the slightest hint of offense...

real or perceived

These bouncers have assumed various

forms over the years.

Everything from high devotion to religion,

to "perfection", to high achievement,

to winning, to being right,

to detachment, to pleasing everyone,

to avoiding conflict or difficult conversations.

They've even been known to fib at times.

In order not to create any disturbances.

They're hyper vigilant, trigger at the ready.

Armored up.

It's exhausting.

What a relief to realize 

they can stand down.

drop their weapons

and be at ease.

kastilwell

Ancestral Fog

 My 94 year old mother and I discussed this recently.

We lamented the conditioning which caused us to

live so much of our lives shut down and armored up.

Grateful humanity is learning how to overcome

the ignorance of our past.

Grateful my children and grandchildren

and their children

will enjoy the benefits of all we're learning.

May the learning continue exponentially

in the realm of the human heart.

May it heal the vast wounds inflicted by

humans upon humans as well as

the wild world of nature.

My deepest hope is this will take place

before it's too late.

kastilwell

Heart Minded

 Having learned the art of "armoring up" my heart since birth,

Blondin's book on Heart Mindedness is a whole new world.

Your mind wants to keep you safe.

Your heart seeks to be soft and open ... even cracked open.

Allowing them to work together is a mighty challenge.

I'm finding it a worthwhile exercise.

Yes, it often hurts to feel,

but it's how we live authentically.

May you find the courage to

let your heart and mind become

allies in living fully.

kastilwell

Nothing About Deadlines

Those of us on the far side of our lives, are reassured by this.

When you think you've been aware and awake during you life,

only to realize you haven't even begun,

it's refreshing to know you aren't alone.

Keep learning, keep expanding, keep reaching

for your dreams, your desires and your yearnings.

At the same time, contemplate the riches you've experienced, 

the treasures you've encountered 

unawares except in hindsight.

It's ok...you're human.  

Savor your existence.

kastilwell

 

Make Your Own Religion

 I would add awe and wonder to doubt and curiosity.

I encourage digging down deep into your own bones,

your mind and mostly your heart to

 what takes your breath away

with astonishment and amazement.

Let your questions and contradictions

be your own holy scripture.

kastilwell

Wild and Serene

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 This seems extra appropriate on this watery, rainy day.

"Subtly powerful and open.

Wild and serene."

Having watched David Attenborough's "A Life on our Planet",

"wild" caught my attention as he discusses the loss of the wild

places on our globe and how we can get then back. 

I highly recommend the film.

May we humans on this earth, be the force that

drives the changes we must make to save

ourselves from extinction.  

kastilwell

Who You Are and Why You're Here

I find it exquisitely reassuring to hear

"cherish my life as a process, shamelessly."

(I had to add the comma.  I think it's better now, grammatically?)

Finding myself at this age with a sense of 

having missed something important 

or done things wrong,

it encourages me to shake off the nonsense

(even though it feels quite serious)

and get on with the joy and sorrow of living

every single drop of existence.

I find duality is a criminal.

It steals all the detail, beauty 

and complexity from a fully lived life. 

Everything and everyone 

instantly and automatically 

classified innocent or guilty;   

(mostly guilty)

without consideration given to nuance,

extenuating circumstances, contradictions,

the motives behind the story,

the consequences of ancient or recent trauma,  

and a whole host of possible explanations 

for bizarre and/or extreme behavior.

Mercy has become a rare commodity.

Forgiveness is almost extinct.

May we learn to live in the richness 

of texture, nuance and intricate detail.

May we begin to appreciate contradiction.

May we allow our hearts to crack just a bit; 

like ice in a glass of warmer liquid.

Let our often messy humanity 

be our endless treasure.

kastilwell

 

Light The Way

How delicious to encounter a new voice...

"aging softly amid the tempest"

is certainly a horizon to reach toward.

May your scars never prevent you

from picking up your lamp.

Remember to do so tenderly,

in your own way, in your own time. 

kastilwell

 

Be Alone With It All

Who knew this would be so challenging?

Refusing to talk, even to myself, is HARD!

Yet, I feel captured by this entreaty.

Determined to heed its wisdom as

restrictions are lifted by the vaccine.

The pull is strong, to hold unto the retreat atmosphere.

To preserve the silent, solitary habit

stealthily laid down over the past year.

To continue to practice being alone with myself.

To learn what lies hidden beneath the surface.

kastilwell

Begin to Welcome Back All You Sent Away

What is it inside that has no words...

what is knocking on the door of my heart...

patiently waiting to be let in?  

Perhaps it isn’t even brave enough to knock...

perhaps it simply stands there in trepidation 

hoping it will be noticed.  

I’m doing my best to let go 

of the conversations I’ve been having 

to allow room for growth and expansion.  

I want to hold onto what matters,

release what needs discarding

and grow inward and outward toward 

vibrancy, 

vitality, 

vigor.

To be fully alive.

kastilwell

Slowly Proclaim Your Voice In the World

"Learning the way things hidden and unspoken SLOWLY proclaim their voice...".

Something I want to become much better at noticing,  

So much of my life feels like skimming over the surface of things.

Taking the time 

to pause,

 touch down, 

sink into,

soak up,

and allow the absorption

to provide refreshment; 

solace, even

inspiration.

What a novel enterprise.

Well worth the awkwardness 

and repeated failed attempts.

kastilwell

 

 

Subtle Remains

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

 An invitation to reflect upon those quiet pieces of individuals we carry with us.

Their impact may have been brief and memorable 

or long-lived and taken for granted.

Whatever the circumstances, they left their mark.

It's worth a pause to let your heart remember.

To offer a nod or a silent salute

in way of recognition and gratitude.

It's these seemingly small gestures

that give significance to a human life.

kastilwell

 

Fires for the Cold

 

These words touch my heart today.

May our lives be filled with poetry.

kastilwell

Raise Your Voice

 Found this sitting in a folder where I'd saved possible quotes.

Having just finished another reading of Gatsby, it seems appropriate.

Honesty, Truth and Compassion certainly are 

noble reasons to raise your voice.  

May our noisy voices not be lost 

in the cacophony of the marketplace. 

May they echo and reverberate

against the walls of injustice, lies and cruelty.

Human dignity matters. 

kastilwell

The Song We Were Born For

At this age, it feels awkward and somewhat embarrassing

to consider wholeness as an embryo.

Yet, it's exactly where I am.  

May the singing start before time runs out.

kastilwell

 

Product of Our Thoughts

Obviously, this had to be tweaked a bit.

Other than the pronouns, I agree wholeheartedly.

The trick for me is conducting those thoughts.

Which involves ushering out many 

who slipped in when I was unaware.

It also involves becoming deaf

when hearing fresh new ones

when they do not contribute

to the person I wish to become.

It can be exhausting 

and exhilarating!

kastilwell 

Dirty Feet

I'm having hesitation about this quote.

I don't think anyone can avoid having "dirty feet"

walking through their mind.  

Can a person live in this world 

without encountering dirty feet from time to time?

I wonder if it makes more sense to 

learn how to clean up after them?

Actually, upon reflection, I'm the one

most often walking through 

with the muddy footprints!!

kastilwell

 

Take A Deep Breath

Will I make this true by posting it here?  

That is my hope and my desire.

Where beauty and bravery meet?

Hope to discover that, too.  

To resuscitate the numbness inside

and "feel" the intoxication of life.

My wish and my intention 

this fine March morning.

kastilwell

 

Everything You Ever Need To Know

https://www.victoriaerickson.com/

This time of solitude and silence has led me

to a sense of softness and a desire for starlight.  

The vaccine allows me to enter the delta

where the singularity of the river

flows toward the generality of the ocean.

Where silence meets sounds.

And solitude merges into society.

May I trust the heart guidance of grace

and the wisdom of water.

kastilwell

 

Sometimes

 

Who Cares?

My automatic response to this is:  "I do".

Then the question becomes: "Why?"

 "I want people to think well of me."

"What does "beauty" have to do with that?"

Pause.

"Good question!"

"What is beauty, exactly and who decides?"

"I do."

kastilwell

 

Just Stall

 I needed things to lighten up a bit.  

So I went to Tina Fey for inspiration.

Lighten up could mean bring on more sunshine or

it could mean, let go of what's weighing you down.

Both seem useful and appropriate.

kastilwell

contemplative skeptic

True Sense of Belonging

To "inhabit the silent depth within me".

These words present an invitation

to view this time of "social distancing"

as a time of retreat...

a time to explore

this inner world.

It's been a strange and interesting endeavor.

I sincerely hope it leads to being more

"flexible, open, and challenging" 

in the days ahead. 

May we all find within ourselves,

the courage to be "free and creative."

kastilwell

 

Contemplating in Circles

I promise this is the end 

of the string (or river) 

of comments on infinity.  

For now anyway. 

(Could this be the

definition of overthinking?)

I will say that the IDEA

of this three pound mass of jelly

changed my entire world

a decade and a half ago.

kastilwell

 

Awareness Is Everything

Following the infinity thread ... 

sharing more thoughts 

which strike a chord 

as I "river" along.

kastilwell

Awareness Is Everything

 

Infinity has been the topic on my mind 

and in my goggle searches

over the past couple days.  

Listening to mathematicians, philosophers,

physicists and cosmologists

discuss it from a variety of perspectives

with a multitude of words

and an air of sheepish confusion

has been a trip.

Multiple pages of quotes on the word

is another exercise in amused bafflement.

kastilwell