There Was A Forest

This fantasy verse fascinates me.

"It doesn't make sense", I think to myself.

But its the bits of nonsensical that appeal to me.

A "forest who grew without touching the ground", 

the "mist holding her up"?

It conjures delicious imagery to contemplate.

And then, the trees, thin as veins,

 reached for something they couldn't see."?

My favorite line. 

I'm frequently reaching for something I can't see.

We'll ignore the "thin as veins".

"some things are too full of sky to fall."

I feel as though the sky is a constant companion

as I walk the woods, drive the car and sit by the window.

Endless variety and relatively constant motion here.

I have a bit of an issue with 

"some things don't even know they're lost."

It's the word things.  

I'm practicing the art of seeing

"things" as animate rather than inanimate objects.

That being said, I love the phrase.

Aren't we all a bit lost?  Always?

Namaste'

 

To Free Us

It seems to me this is critical work, 

especially for women of my generation.

And it should be noncritical in nature, in my opinion.

We are masterful at sensing what is expected of us.

I believe the programming begins at conception.

I guess it's logical that it takes a lifetime 

to free ourselves from it's clutches.

"to give us back to ourselves..

there lies the great, singular power

of self respect."

Let this be the music of our days.

Namaste'

 

Internet Search History

These words cause deep reverberations inside my soul.

Not only the petty grievances from years ago still hovering in my orbit;

but the deeper cuts from major sources causing me to shrink instead of shine.

"Is it possible to unlearn the language of everything that hurt us?"

To unlearn a language takes strong replacement and significant time, right?

Haven't we felt that moment when our rage turns to grief?

Isn't that why many of us end up in tears when we're furious?

It's so much easier to be mad than it is to be sad.

I'm wondering if there's a way to make forgiveness a little easier?

In my sphere it is mighty, mighty arduous.

Forgiving cruelty, for example, seems, 

well, 

unforgivable.

I have to work hard to remember forgiveness is not approval.

I've never thought of forgiving myself for becoming who I am...

at first I out and out rejected the idea...felt a strong objection to it...yet...

upon reflection I realize there will always be parts of me worthy of forgiveness.

I'm not going to make it out of here without mistakes, flaws and failings...

what a rude awakening!

And what an inspiration to keep learning how to forgive.

Namaste'

 

Follow The Flutter

I can honestly say I've never felt a tingle in my toes.

Perhaps it might happen if I paid attention to them?

I do get chills up and down my skin...

so I get the gist of what she's saying.

What delights me about this is the way

she points out the messages we get through our body.

I spend so much time in my head, I tend to forget the rest of me.

"The right path lights up under your skin."

I've been seeking it on the ground in front of me.

This is reminding me its on the inside, not the outside.

I like to think its a friendly conversation between both.

So often its what someone says or does that

provokes a "tingle" inside of me.

Those are the moments to "slow down and feel it."

For me that means letting go of what I've

anticipated and assumed is where I am and where I'm going.

A tiny detail that makes 

a tremendous difference, wouldn't you say?

Namaste'

 

Guide Your Heart

Not exactly sure why this lit a spark for me.

These days, my heart wants to remain in the background...

tucked away where nothing but goodness can seep through.

I sense if my throat opened, there would only be a long wail of grief.

Yet, that's only in one level of the chamber.

In another is the wonder of grandchildren graduating,

seeds quietly growing, the first blush of spring

bursting with color and life.

Can I learn to appreciate the mixture...?

grief blended with the wonder?

I'm inviting in my ghosts 

for the pleasure of "emptying them".

That way I can fill the space they leave 

with what is real.

And yes, sincerely yes to learning to be braver.

Fear cannot be allowed permanent lodging...

only temporary passage on the way to courage.

Namaste' 

 

If You Look Closely

"smaller circles, louder love, stronger integrity,

deeper presence, and greater peace."

In some ways, our bubble might not be so bad?

I guess it depends on the make up of your bubble, doesn't it?

"the magic is in refinement."

One synonym for refinement is clarification.

This has my mental wheels turning at a slightly different angle.

"Trim what drains you. Protect what nourishes you.

Prioritize depth over breadth."

This is the meaning of ripening, isn't it?

To hone your life to a concentration of

joy, wonder, astonishment...

tightly braided with gratitude for

the quiet waters of everyday existence?

To cherish the mundane as well as the marvelous?

To recalibrate the ugliness into a possibility for diving deeper

beneath the surface of our expectations and assumptions;

to seek with precision for every tiny tendril of love and light?

 

Giving this some thought...

Thanks for listening.

Namaste'

 

You'll Watch Yourself

I suspect anyone at or near my stage of ripeness

has experienced this more than once.

It's the marvel of resilience.

The wonder of choice and change.

It's a fine reminder to remember

"Not how you fell. 

But how you got back up,

and lived."

Namaste'

 

Water Speak

I would say, when you speak

"fill each syllable with the sound of the river."

This conjures the physical river we all love

as we are currently heart broken by the ravaging

 and the imaginary river of goodness which

runs true and unscathed beneath the surface.

"then, no matter what words [are said] we will

"hear the unending waves, will smell

the musty, earthy scent on our skin

long after the words [and the heavy machinery] are gone.

These words of grief and sorrow echo what is in my heart.

The actual river, though wounded, continues. 

May the river of goodness hasten the healing.

"There is home in the way words cling to me

like water beads on my skin.

This is how we remember where we're from."

The river of goodness attends to us.

The unseen waves carry us forward

even when we cannot make our own muscles move.

Even when we are too grief stricken to notice.

Namaste'

 

 

I Want To Be So Kind

If only kindness "echoed backwards in time and

undid the things that hurt" others.

Just think of all the harm and it's consequences

that would be healed, making today's world

a completely different one. 

"I want to be so kind that I make someone else

find faith in humanity again."

This feels possible...this we can do.

In tiny ways...smiling costs nothing.

Giving another the benefit of the doubt.

Reining in my defensive nature and

not taking things personally.

These are small steps I believe I can make

toward large kindness.

Namaste'

 

If I Lived A Thousand Years

 "I could never find words worthy enough 

for this wordless web of wonder"...

I must take a knee to this sentence.

And this one...

"I don't have a thousand years, I have, only, this right-now

breath that, already, just now, has passed."

It brings to mind the wonder of blinking...

the automatic balancing of the dark and the light

we are mostly unaware of.

May we "soak ourselves in stillness until this wink

of wild wonder is all there is. 

then isn't."

 I relish the shivers that run down my spine

at this thought that matters.

Namaste' 

Do The Feelings Ever?

We "learn to wrap them up into something to wear",

don't we?

Actually, I'm thinking we wear them automatically;

without even realizing what we're dressed up in?

One thing I've observed in our pets is how

they sense what we're feeling regardless

of what we're wearing on the surface.

We may think we're keeping the secret,

but the "secret" is out.

Our feelings are our feelings.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could listen without judgement,

pay attention without recrimination?

Work through them so they enlighten

without reacting in harmful ways?

We're all here together doing the best we can.

Growing into goodness.

(I'm trusting saying it often enough will make it reality.)

Namaste'

 

Nobody Warns You

I get choked up when I read this quote.

It embarrasses and levels me because I know the truth of it

to the center of my soul.  I just came out of a session

with myself about the quality of how I spend my time.

It was a vise of self recrimination and doubt.

This was right after I'd written a vow 

to believe in myself no matter how "off"  it felt.

I'm learning to "forgive myself"... 

almost "instantly". 

The riper I get, the more I realize how vital

it is to be your best cheerleader, with vigor and constancy.

Against every single voice that wants to undermine and diminish.

Even your own.  Especially, your own.  Nail it to the wall.

You matter.  We all do.

Namaste'

 

According To Some

What a great response to bigotry and prejudice!

Something to ponder no matter how "woke"

 we think we might be.

What a great response to feelings of inadequacy

within yourself. 

A "load of hot air" becomes a star.

 "Dust and rock" form brilliant diamonds.

 "a creature crawling on its belly with tiny legs through dirt,"

morphs into a butterfly.

We all might want to give hot air, dust and rock, and

crawling on one's belly with tiny legs more dignity.

Same goes for how we see ourselves 

and especially how we see one another.

We are all marvels and we are here together.

Namaste'

 

 

Make It

"Make it"

for whatever it is calling you.

You don't have to explain it...

even to yourself...feel it...love it back.

It's love coming out of you.

No matter what it looks like, sounds like,

 tastes like, acts like.

Believe in it.

"Some of the most beautiful things

come from hands that are sore, 

heavy hearts, tired voices that spoke anyway."

Our heavy hearts and tired voices are speaking.

It's a beautiful noise with its thirst for real justice

for all creatures everywhere.

We will keep making it.

We're in this together and we will prevail.

Namaste'

 

 

What Love Isn't

How refreshing to have the whole story.

Without the fluff, without the glitter, without the bling.

"It is not compliments and it is never, ever flattery.

These can so easily be false and coerced, can't they?

Although an authentic, heartfelt compliment 

could be welcome every now and then for fun, I'm thinking.

"it is a full serving it is much too much and real"

One could also say its generous, plenty, bountiful.

"It is never pretty or clean"

What a relief because pretty and especially clean

do not match the love life I'm living.  

"It is irregular it is difficult and always,

always surprising."

So for those who like things organized,

under a modicum of control;

who get satisfaction in planning ahead, 

who sometimes finds surprises 

challenging to manage;

you might want to brace yourself

and remember these words.

Namaste'

 

Watch The Sky

The sky and I have been fast friends since childhood.

This piece makes me feel wrapped up and held in her soft vastness.

I forget to notice sometimes.

That's when she sends me a pallete of color that

jolts and awes me into remembrance and presence.

I've learned not to look away as the tableau dissolves 

almost as quickly as one can blink.

My photos are filled with portraits of her.

And the angle is always up except for

when I'm looking out of a plane 

when I get to see her at eye level.

(We won't speak of what that plane does to our Earth.)

This piece has given me a gift...

it's focused a quiet light of notice on

something astonishing; constantly present,

moving from light to dark and back again, 

with the power of instantaneous change, 

while remaining dependable, predictable, and steady.

And there's this...we all share this wonder.

Everyone, anywhere on this planet 

is connected to her even though we

may be seeing her wearing a different ensemble.

How can we not be astonished?

Namaste'

 

The First Half Of Life

I've seen a version of this quote several times across the years.

 The second half of my life is where I've been living for some time now.

The word that captures my imagination is "unraveling".

For some reason I can't explain properly, 

unraveling brings up a gentle act of letting go of the plan and starting fresh.

The key word is gentle.  No chain saws or heavy machinery involved.

"Aligning with my soul's purpose" puzzles me.

At this point in the LONG trajectory of my growing,

this remains a mystery.

It no longer frustrates me.  

I figure if I'm alive, and I'm being myself as best I can;

Why label it?

Allowing myself to live into the mystery leads to the 

magic and wonder of unexpected marvels.

May you discover your own unraveling 

toward magic and wonder.

May we remember we are here together in awe and gratitude 

even while tangled with rage and dismay. 

What matters is we are together

and goodness will prevail.

Namaste'

 

When We Listen

Isn't this marvelous?

"it all begins to blend and run through us".

This makes me want to listen to more music,

visit more art museums and galleries...

although, I have to say, you can find art

right outside your door. 

I have an entire album of art in nature

that sends threads of appreciation running through me

whenever I visit it's treasures.

I love the idea that its 

"quietly becoming part of [my] blood, flesh and bones."

Let's carry it with us everywhere and always.

It helps us get through the cruelty, lies and madness.

Namaste'

 

Instructions On Living In A Broken World

Every single one of these makes superb sense.

I want to "applaud the good" as much as I can

since its so easy to take good for granted.

I also need to be reminded about

"taking breaks and relishing nourishing my body".

I'd like to ignore "let yourself grieve" but it is 

perhaps one of the most important. It's where

noticing your rage is helpful as its often a cover for 

the deep sadness of what is lost.

"love one another as deeply as you can"...

isn't this the theme song for living a fruitful life?

Even though "the storm is upon us", 

we are strong and together and 

we will prevail.

Namaste'

 

The Rage You Are Feeling

Rage come from the same place as love?

I have to sit with that a bit.

In my world, one wants to break things

and the other wants to make things.

One wants to run far away;

the other wants to draw ever closer.

I do "refuse to accept a world where cruelty reigns".

Where fire destroys rather than warms.

But here we go again with the both/and.

Fire can warm and destroy at the same time.

"Justice [like goodness] is a river that demands

we do not give up on it."

That's the line that pierces me to my core.

We are in this together and we will prevail.

Namaste'

 

Messenger

"Let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished."

How many of us are are in the process of doing this work?

From reading her essays, she knew what it was to live with meager means.

She was not living her life or writing her poetry just for coins.

"Which is mostly rejoicing, since all the ingredients are here. . .

to be given a mind and a heart and these body-clothes,

 a mouth with which to give shouts of joy. . ."

In these days of certain misery,

notice where you can use your mouth to give

these shouts of joy...

a glorious blooming iris, a perfect dandelion,

tiny buds on a dormant shrub, 

the wee tendrils pushing up from recently planted seeds.

Loving voices on the phone, little girls dancing, 

a beloved returning, spring flowers in amazing profusion.

We are using our minds and our hearts even though

both are throbbing with reality...

we are using them for the good

even as we're hurting...even when some

temporary meanness seeps out...

we will keep on praising the river of goodness,

rejoicing in her presence even when she's wounded.

We praise her resilience and her power for transformation.

We sit by her sickbed offering the tonic of our presence,

and the promise to remain with her 

"telling her over and over how it is that we live forever."

Namaste'

 

Compassion Hurts

 This is an intense truth for me.

I am exquisitely familiar with 

the feeling of responsibility for everything.

I so want to distract myself from the "worst horrors".

I suspect its the same for others.  

Those of us with hearts.

Don't we all have hearts, though?

Why do some use theirs for cruelty?

If every other person is doing the best they can,

how can things be in such a sad and sorry state?

(These are pressing questions for me.)

This is where its necessary for invisible forces 

to take the reins and calm my horses.

Return to practicing the art of

 holding horror and hallelujah simultaneously;

acknowledging the "beautiful/ugly".

And focusing on grace and dignity.

Raising the energy of both right here, right now,

in this exact place and time within my own sphere.

It doesn't remove the hurt...

it simply helps to carry it.

And there's nothing simple about it.

We are in this together, 

we contain 13  billion year old atoms,

The sea and the stars are part of us.

"our souls are rivers that have flowed through centuries."

Namaste'