13 Billion Year Old Atoms

"Listen to the way your heart beats, 

and sense the blood that rushes through your body."

I would add to note the blinking of your eyes and

feel the automatic balance between light and dark,

and note how your chest rises and falls,

in rhythm with the tides in

reciprocity with the plant world

alternating between giving and receiving

the necessary elements of life.

We are unconsciously participating

 in miraculous movements

all. 

the. 

time.

"Our souls are rivers..."

And our souls require respect and care

in order to stay healthy and thriving.

It would be ideal if goodness happened 

automatically from every living creature.

But as we are witnessing...it does not.

We are returning to healthy balance.

The ship of state has been foundering

and we are correcting its course.

We're in this together

and we will prevail.

Namaste'

 

A Call Back

"Back to that invisible force that lifts us from the ground

when gravity greed grief pin us down, back to that something 

that grows a human from a single cell the size of a poppyseed."

The size of a poppyseed?

I knew I started from a single cell, but never associated it with a poppy seed.

I know what its like to attempt to plant seeds that small while giving them some space.

Without a magnifying glass and tiny tweezers, it's pretty nigh impossible.

Cardinal flower seeds come to mind.

She's wise not to attempt to name this something.

It's best to allow the majesty and omnipetence to forever remain, unnamed.

No need to diminish, dilute or confine.

Thank goodness there are still some things beyond our grasp and manipulation.

Namaste'

 

Balance

"Inspire to be each other's darkness

as much as the light."

Thinking of darkness in terms of what's unknown or hidden away

instead of what's wrong or unwanted is changing how I operate.

I catch myself attending to blinking.

Dark, light, dark, light, dark, light.

An unconscious balancing act we do constantly;

mostly without thought or regard.

How does one go about being the darkness for another?

I'm thinking it has to be done as awkward companions?

"Be the [one who] helps the other shine.

Be the [one who] shines in the dark."

Which is essentially the same thing, isn't it?

"be these things to each other in turn."

Something like blinking, right?

Namaste'

Sometimes Fear Does Not

I debated vigorously with myself about posting this because

I hate being afraid; so much so I get angry

and when I get angry, I get vengeful.

 I don't like myself when I'm vengeful 

because when I'm vengeful, I get petty and mean.

It's rather horrifying, honestly.

Almost as horrifying as what I'm afraid of.

(I hope this makes sense.)

I'm slowly learning it doesn't have to be this way.

As much as I struggle with "you must do it afraid";

perhaps that is the answer even as I shrink away from it.

Not in a "you have to do everything you feel you're called to do" way,

but in a "you've got this. Yes, this is hard, 

really hard, but you can do it and do it

with grace and dignity" way.

The alternative is to hide my head and 

let the fear win...let the horror win.

That's unacceptable.

You know what?  It's not about winning or losing.

It's about being able to tell myself I showed up

even when I really, REALLY didn't want to.

 This river, our river is more than a physical river

worthy of profound respect and care.

For me, she symbolizes the river of goodness

flowing through all of us whether we act like it or not.

The physical river will come back, in time...lots of time...

She is resilient and strong in that way.

Yet, this is now and I am here and this matters.

The river matters now.

 Truth and fairness matter.

Goodness matters.

 

Namaste'

 

Today Is A Good Day

"touch the world like it could feel you back."

I'm having to sit with this 

for a minute or two;

or forever, even.

I would hope that if I were to wake 

from a deep sleep

and look around like its the first time,

I'd find myself curious and intriqued.

Are there borrowed parts of me?

I like to think I'm ripened enough to 

be the sole owner of every part

and no longer need any approval.

Although, I confess, it's nice to find approval 

every once in awhile when simply doing my usual.

"stand in your truth even if 

it makes the room quieter."

My favorite line of this whole piece.

Even as I cringe to imagine it.

I hope with all my heart, you, dear reader,

are "being wildly, recklessly, 

kind to yourself.

Because you matter.

Namaste'

 

Sometimes You Must Realize

"past pain overshadowing the view"?

Something to sit with a minute, I'm thinking.

Can I get a glimpse through the 

"clouds over lands I cannot see clearly"?

I admit, these days the clouds are thick and murky.

Currently, its not stories of old storms blocking my view.

It's the shock of unexpected horror stories in the present.

Yet, I know humans have endured this before...

in a variety of tragedies we carry with us.

We now have the power to transmute them.

Rewrite old traumas into  triumphs.

Perhaps of a softer, quieter nature...

planting seeds in rich soil

instead of horns blaring?

The much needed rain comes in as I write these words.

A storm of nourishment for freshly planted seeds.

We're in this together and we will prevail.

Namaste'

 

The Turning

This is one of my deep favorites.

"for we are all cast shining and short-lived into the sky--

The truth of "short-lived" rests weighty on my bones

as my ripening continues leading me toward nothing.

And nothing is a discussion worthy of contemplation.

What I most love is "hear the tale of the time

 we 'almost' broke the world."

Another truth that weighs heavy on my heart and bones...

will I live to tell this tale?

It's second on my bucket list. 

The one other one?

Learn Love.

We're in this together...

Namaste'

 

One Thing They Don't Tell You

Isn't this marvelous?

"We ripen"!  Exactly the word I was looking for.

I'm all for "expanding deeper and higher into love,

wonder, gentle discernment and WILDLY intuitive creative ability.

Bring.

It.

On!

Namaste'

 

The Truth Is

"coming together and falling apart" again and again.

I suppose that is the reality of life.

There have been plenty of "falling apart" times

across the years and across the world.

I'm realizing how extremely fortunate I've been

to live in a country where 

freedom and democracy were a given...

I took them for granted.

That is no longer the case 

and I find myself overcome with grief and anger.

"Letting there be room for all this to happen"

requires a painful expansion of my inner landscape.

I'm not good with pain...my tendency is to ignore and avoid.

"Pay no attention and it will go away" is my motto.

Could that motto be what got us where we are today?

Assuming all would be well and hurtful forces didn't matter?

(This reminds me of this piece by Viktor Kravchuk.)

Now I'm finding myself needing more room inside

to accept the dishonesty, disregard and cruelty.

It dismays me to find them bundled together 

with decency, dignity and truth; 

side by side, entangled, messed up.

It's excruciating.  I still need fences where I can separate

the madness from the marvelous for healing and sanity.

Even though I now know they're living in the same garden,

I need this tiny but mighty imaginary space to cherish the goodness 

in vigourous belief that it will grow, disarm and dismantle the disease.

Namaste'

 

The Only Way

How can my "very existence be a rebellion"?

I've never thought of that.

As a straight, white skinned, "growing", 

(ok, older!), woman,

 I typically travel as invisible and unremarkable. 

I consider this my super power.

I like moving under the radar.

That being said, it's hard to imagine

living so free that other's opinion of me doesn't matter.

I wish it wasn't so, but it's the honest truth.

It's why I've come to deeply respect those sisters and brothers

mainstream society considers unacceptable.

It seems to me, this motivates them

to find their freedom contrary to other's opinion of them.

Living loudly, lovingly and unapologetically 

in joyful spite of prejudice, pettiness,  and hate.

These days, my intention is to live the life of soft rebellion.

I've posted about here not too long ago.

This is changing the way I see freedom.

Learning about fungi and the mycelial network

models a beautiful, entangled example to emulate.

May we all find this freedom.

May we find the joy of being ourselves 

without apology or superiority.

May we find joy within entanglement

with all aspects of life.

And may we learn to respond with generous understanding

to hate, bigotry and lawlessness; 

while standing up strongly

for decency, equality and true justice.

Namaste'

PS: I was pleasantly surprised to discover 

I've shared other quotes from Albert Camus  here and here.

 

This Very Here

What a beautiful way to live a life.

When I "no longer believe any other garden was better

than this one, when I want only these weeds and this field."

This comfortably messy house and this comfortably unkempt yard

are my "this very here".

I'd like them to be spotless and well cared for but they 

sing a different song and I'm learning to listen

 with appreciation and without judgement.

I'm learning to be comfortable with 

"no plan for other plots, just a song on my lips

that I sometimes know how to sing and 

sometimes have to hush to hear how it goes."

Right now, I'm having to pay strong attention to 

hushing to hear how it goes.

May we each find the song to sing

even when its a dirge of grief and sadness.

We are in this together

and we matter.

Namaste'

 

The Fact That It Could All Be Gone

First of all, may you find yourself, often,

"rejoicing in every [kind] offering that life throws your way."

I don't think she means to rejoice in unkind offerings?

How does one do that?

You have to be real about how hurtful in can be when unkind things land...

and figure out how to get them to bounce off with as little injury a possible 

is what I'm thinking.

That's not to say that unkind things can't be useful.

Sometimes you can spin them into gold and watch

goodness pour out as a result.

That's the kind of magic I'm looking for these days.

How to turn all this straw we're living in the midst of

into gold.

Not coin gold but spirit gold.

Not the gold that leads to oligarchy,

but the gold that leads to laughter and joy

even if there aren't two pennies to rub together.

The kind of gold you can feel but you often can't see.

The kind of gold that doesn't require a deal no matter how artful one is.

The kind of gold that doesn't mean having to kiss anyone's *&^.

The kind of gold that carries us through horrendous happenings.

May we all keep spinning straw into gold...

together! 

The gold of decency, dignity, equality, fairness.

Namaste'

 

The World Is Burning

"Do not give up on this world."

Oh what a struggle as things appear to slide downward and downward.

That's when I remember how well programmed I am for trial and tribulation.

That happens when you grow up reading about

 martyrs, crucifixions and sorrowful mysteries.

I wish the joyful and glorious would have had a stronger impact.

Bloodroot still blooms this spring.

The trees are waking up and showing their spring finery.

Grands are growing and thriving;

 some poised at the threshold of adulthood,

some having reached it, others not far behind. 

How can one ask for more?

Oh, let me say, one can ask for more...so much more.

Equality.

Decency.

Fairness.

Let's start there and keep going.

"Even here.  Even now."

Namaste'

 

The Beautiful Things

"They're coming quietly,  not in a rush, so you have time

to put the kettle on."

I love this thought.  Sincerely wish they'd get here and stay here.

Actually, they are here.  

So many of them they cannot be counted accurately.

Some say 300 others say 500...depending on the viewer's bias.

I gather this truth around my shoulders and luxuriate in it.

As the resistance carrys on ...and carrys on...

repeating and repeating the lasting refrain...

We all deserve to be here and be exactly who we are,

without shame, without apology, without subjugation...equal in every way.

No one has the right to lord it over others. No one.

We are in this together and we are mighty and miraculous.

Namaste' 

 

There Is A Contradiction

I’m not good with contradictions. All the recent upheaval and uncertainty

 in the public arena ratchets up my feelings of discomfort. So this quote is pertinent.
As I grow closer and closer to departure from this form of existence, 

what I can rely on becomes much more precious and treasured 

even as those entities shift and change form and substance. 

I’m slowly learning to appreciate the patterns.
After the recent deluge, as I navigated my daily walk, 

I am struck by the patterns the “fluidity” of the rainwater was making on the ground.

What I think about is how fluidity is another way to say things soften and flow

and it can be something quite beautiful to behold.

 

I’ve been having a good bit of fun in my art playground with the images. 

Here are a few. 

Namaste'

 

The Sky Is Never

I find myself clinging to these words

as so much shifts and wobbles around us.

May we look to the world that was here

long before us, existing as itself without apology or fear.

This world which will continue long after we're gone.

Following the patterns, growing and evolving...continuing.

While we are here, may we bear witness to the majesty of life.

May we grow into who we are without apology or fear.

May we recognize the impermanence as we treasure the reliability.

For now, we can count on the sun and the moon.

I am in love with the wonder of blinking...

the balance of the light and the dark.

We are here together...

shifting and changing...expanding and contracting...

evolving and eroding...becoming and departing...

Namaste'

Sharing this:  

The Entropy of Empire and the Return of Kinship

SHANNON WILLIS

 

May We Learn To Love Darkness

"May we find our way back to natural darkness. . .

so that we'll be able to bear witness to night's living riches.

 "Night's living riches" conjures a treasure trove of wonders, doesn't it?

May we "relearn how to blink"...

On average, we blink 15-20 times per minute!  

We don't have to relearn.

We only have to remember.

Think how well endowed this makes us

for equal measures of dark and light.

We simply have to notice and rejoice.

Namaste'

 

Darkness Turns

"Night Magic" was an eye opening read.

I have never been a "night" person. 

I come from a family who has sibling zoom calls at 5am.

And generally, mostly all (10) of us show up for them.

Our DNA imprinted me as a morning person.

So exploring night time wonders is going to be a stretch.

Leigh Ann Henion's description of the delights to be found

in the dark, is strong enticement.

Discovering how dark is a partner to light 

has expanded my perspective away from the duality 

so often associated with them.

That's why now, when I hear or read things 

that connect dark with bad things, I get twitchy.  

They are equal opposites.  Both are necessary for health and balance.

As I write this, I'm asking myself if the same goes for good and bad?

Are both necessary? 

Are they the way things are when painful things are denied and dismissed?

Either way, equal measures of good and bad is not my idea of well being.

You can see why I get twitchy when dark/black is defined as bad.

We need better words to talk about good and bad, don't you think?

In this moment of time, I am freeing myself from 

the association of dark with bad. I welcome the wisdom of it.

I'm  hope I can stay awake long enough to encounter it!

Namaste'

 

 

A Life Cherishing Force

"a life cherishing force"

Leave it to Mary Oliver to find such a splendid description.

"fires for the cold,

ropes let down for the lost,

bread in the pockets of the hungry.

I cherish my life with the force of poetry often.

The power of the words sustains me 

when things are cruel and complicated.

They expand my vision and alter my perspective.

I am eternally grateful for the maestros of words

who give us poetry, songs and stories.

A deep bow of thanksgiving to Mary Oliver,

those who preceded her and

 those who are following.

May the Cherishing Force be with you.

Namaste'

 

Destroy The Idea

Untangling myself from the ropes of this mindset

 requires constant vigilance.

"This isn't any good" is replaced with 

"did you learn anything?" or

"did you enjoy what you were doing?"

Losing the idea of an exhibit in some swank gallery

isn't easy to let go of but at this stage of my growth,

it's necessary and life enhancing.

Think about the positive energy added to the universe.

Be grateful for the good mood it enlivens

and how that affects the air molecules around you.

Do I like this?  Is the best question of all.

Most often, the answer is yes.

If it's not yes, the response is,

"let it go for now and come back to it."

I'm often surprised by how much better it looks with time.

It all matters.

Namaste'

 

Two Aspects of Awareness

I'm finding that becoming "aware of mortality and unknowing"

 is a prime factor in this waning time of my growing days.

I'm actually relishing the unknowing part because when things are

looking especially grim, it is reassuring to know 

I don't know how things will unfold. 

It keeps faith and hope alive and vibrant.

"Seeing our lives, and the lives of those around us,

through different lenses opens our heart and minds to the 

possibilities that surround us."

It's hard when things aren't going the way I hope for

and rely on.  But that doesn't mean they won't.

I remind myself I "haven't exhausted all the possibilities."*

We're in this together and we will prevail.

Namaste'

*Thomas Edison

 

There Are Times

This feels so poignant right now.

I'm not sure we need "the hardness

of an old cold place against which 

you can measure yourself."

Haven't we been holding ourselves there

for way too long?  

This is not to say, we shouldn't be aware of the

dangers of denial to what is happening.

Today, we have hard things to face.

Truth has been and is being corrupted.  

Some of our kin have been and are being groomed with falsehoods.

It is a malevalent force undermining our trust in each other

and in the institutions intended to provide equality and justice.

Yes, there are times "when we need the subtle flow of a river,

the song of a waterfall and the deep, slow presence of trees."

However, we have to braid them into the reality of our times.

There's something counterintuitive about how truth

has been and is being twisted.

Those infected with the malevalent virus hurl accusations

of the very things they are perpetrating.

It would be comical if it wasn't so deadly.

Fortunately, we are not alone...we are in this together.

We are creating new and better tools to alter this trajectory.

We can right what is wrong.

This is where we need the rock and the river and the trees to guide us.

Namaste'