Most of my life, I've lived as if I would be here forever.
As if there was plenty of time to
fulfill all the things I wanted to do.
When I think of the books to read, excursions to take, projects to complete,
gardens to plant, classes to take, and subjects to study, it's formidable.
The idea of impermanence has entered my bloodstream
as an actual living reality only recently.
I'm looking at things differently now.
The clock is ticking faster and faster,
from my current perspective.
(I realize it hasn't changed its speed)
I'm becoming less fixated on "getting things done".
It's become more about who do I want to be and
how do I want to live out whatever time is left to me?
If I get to be 95 like my mom,
I want to be cheerful, serene and lively.
While listening to Martha Nussbaum's "The Monarchy of Anger",
she mentions "an examined life".
That phrase struck a chord.
In pondering it, I want to say, examined as in thoughtful and intentional
rather than prosecuted or persecuted or certified.
Trees provide a rich reflection on this matter.
I believe I'm doing fairly well on "out and down".
Standing still, however, is a fruitful area full of potential.
Thanks for listening to my thoughts of today.
kastilwell
I never thought I'd live forever, as my mom died when she was 64 and Tim's dad at 65. I've always had a feeling of maybe not foreboding, but certainly not a sense of permanence. We started traveling in earnest when Tim turned 50, having already lost both parents.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting now, getting close to turning 67 (Tim's now 69), how my perspective has expanded. But it takes encouragement to embrace.
I want to be serene, lively, and cheerful, too!
It's interesting how much I've taken it for granted. My dad died at 66. It was a nearby thought during my 66th year and I was glad when I outlived him but it never translated to seeing the inevitability of my time ending. Talk about living in a fantasy. Having my mom still living at 95 is part of the expectation, I think. But thats not a given. Awakening to this enhances the "uncertainty" and the fragility of things!
ReplyDelete