I Confess

"What aisle did you find your serenity in.  . .?

I would love to exude serenity as described here.

Actually, I'd settle for a crown of snowy braids...

erect bearing and radiating tenderness.

as well as “beaming peace like the North Star”; 

These references to serenity, radiating tenderness and 

beaming peace make me aware of how programmed I am to rush.  

My DNA seems to contain a loudspeaker 

blaring HURRY! on an endless loop.   

I'm someone who picks up on the vibes 

of the space I’m in, so when people around me are rushing 

it triggers this competitive, ruthless, mindless 

impulse toward speed.
Three things come to mind as I consider this:
One where the sense of rush is strong is in the airport 

with a river of people all hurrying to get where they're headed...
This happens most often as I’m returning from a trip and eager to get home.

 I pick up on the rush energy and join in with gusto.  
Another is when I’m driving and another vehicle pulls up behind me 

clearly wanting to get around.  I immediately start looking for a place 

to pull over  so they can pass.  I do not do this kindly...just saying...it irks me.
The third is when I have an appointment and I’m running late.  

The loudspeaker picks up speed and volume then.  

The need for approval plus perfection join hands and hit the gas.

I ask myself  why the rush? 

I respond, there’s a list:
1. there’s a rush to knock out mundane tasks in order to get to 
the next "beguiling experiment, or enticing activity...
”should I linger over these dirty dishes or go play in my art studio?” 
2. to get somewhere where I can relax and unwind, ie: home.
3. somewhere I don’t have to meet expectations, 
4. fulfill an obligation, 
5. to escape something that’s going to 

steal time from me...as in rush hour traffic 

16. so as not to miss my turn in 

whatever fun thing is coming up.

I'm hoping these desires can grant this 

"beaming peace like the North Star" anyway.